Fully Caffeinated and Armed With Chocolate

A Necessary Weight Gain

2009-11-27T12:09:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was fabulous. One cannot go wrong with a combination of family and good food! I was pretty worn out by the end of the day, but also extremely happy. I love my family dearly, and it was nice to get to spend some quality time with them.

On the not-so-great side, I can already feel the weight I've gained. Yesterday marked the 14th day of being tramadol-free, and to say I've been stuffing my face is a bit of an understatement. I have lost a lot of weight over the past year or so, and come to find out tramadol works as an appetite suppressor. This works nicely for weight loss, but apparently I've been starving my body from the nutrition it needs because I'm almost always hungry! And I'm not eating just junk, either. Whether it's animal, vegetable, or mineral (or in this case, sweetable), I'm game to eat it. On one hand I'm totally bummed about the weight gain, but on the other hand it's a necessary one if my body really has been starving. I'm planning on getting back on the Body-for-Life program once my strength returns, and then between the exercise and balanced eating I will lose fairly quickly what I've gained.

Hey, in God it's all good. I'm getting healthy and I'm happy.:)

A Choice to be Thankful

2009-11-25T08:57:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I couldn't be more pleased. It's a beautiful holiday to me, for it gives me more cause to reflect over my life than even New Year's. I can look back at what has happened over the year, and see where I am now and where I want to be before the year is over.
Of course, sometimes being thankful for something is a choice. We can have warm, fuzzy feelings for something and be thankful for it, but when the fuzziness is gone, are we still thankful? Being thankful is so much more a state of mind than a feeling. It's a mental expression of what you appreciate, whether or not you "feel" thankful for it. We can let so many things slip us by if we do not take the time to acknowledge those things of which we can truly be thankful.

I choose to be thankful for:

1) My God and my faith: Jesus has been my Light for nearly 13 years, and He has been by my side through everything. He love, His honesty, and His caring have kept my life sane. Even when I step off of His path, He is always there, loving and beckoning.

2) My family: Their unfailing love and closeness lifts me up and surrounds me with love.

3) My church family: They are an amazing people who I am proud to call brothers and sisters.

4) My husband: This man certainly deserves a shout-out all to his own. He has been with me through it all: through the party-days with the GTA, the days of 'growing-up' and saving for a house, the days of uncertainty, the days we walked those precious first steps as baby Christians, the birth of two precious children, the days of growth and change, the days of spiritual maturity (and those of immaturity, which can come when we lose focus), to today, a time of of physical and mental frailty which grows stronger every day. He is an intense man, anointed of God and my soul-mate, who stands by me every day.

5) My friends: You know who you are. Thank you for your love! And thanks for making me smile.:)

Life has been very interesting for me lately, but there is one thing I choose never to forget: Life is good. God is good. I choose to by thankful, and through this choice a bountiful life will emerge.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Love and light to you and your families!:)

A Long Ride

2009-11-23T18:09:00.002-05:00

Hey, all. It's been a long time since I posted here, and even longer still since I've had anything to say. God's wisdom, however, tells us there is a time for everything, and the time to come here again is now.

I've had a lot of curiosity on what has been happening with me lately surface, so I thought I would go ahead and post the situation. It's not going to be flowery or prose-enduced, but at least it's real.

Several years ago, I started having serious pain issues with my lower back. I went back an forth from doctor to doctor, and eventually I was diagnosed with chronic arthritis of the lower back. During this time (about a year or so) I was on a lot of narcotics: percocet, lortab, vicodine, etc. My favorite was the Lortab Elixir, because I can't swallow normal size pills, and with the elixir I did not have to crush it up and eat it laced over pudding (blech). These medicines were all doctor prescribed, and I used them the way they were supposed to be used. Of course, the more I used them the more I needed them, and once I got to Pain Management it felt like I couldn't function without them.

Once Pain Management stopped I found myself at a crossroads, and not a happy one: I knew I had a problem with narcotics. Fortunately, the withdrawals from them did not last that long, and I was up and moving pretty quickly. However, the back pain was still there, so I still needed something stronger than Advil and not narcotic like the former medicines. Welcome, tramadol!

Tramadol is a small, white pill that is a prescription for moderate to severe pain. Although not classified a narcotic, it is a synthetic-opiate with similar properties to a narcotic. I had been on tramadol before, and the doctor had said it was not like the narcotics. Still in pain and done with doctors, I found a pharmacy online and was able to procure some after filling out a medical questionnaire. I thought it would be okay to take because it was not classified as a narcotic.

I've just stopped taking tramadol after nearly two years. It seemed the more I took for pain the more I needed, and I ended up taking nearly 15 pills a day just to feel normal. I was tired most of the time, disinterested in things, and pretty much addicted. What started out as a way to get basic pain relief ended up a mess, to say the least. I knew I had a serious problem, but did not want to admit it to myself. If anything, the tramadol was making me sicker: I had migraines a lot, and of course more back pain, and I got sick at the drop of a hat. I did not realize my foolishness was poisoning myself. My husband knew what was going on, but every time he tried to approach me I didn't fully receive him. I did not want to admit the fact that something had taken place above God in my life, and I didn't want to admit the fact that I was a prescription drug addict.

Well, God's timing, as I say, is perfect. One night He spoke to me in a way that got through all of the denial and I heard Him so clearly. There was so much love and strength in His voice, that I just broke down and finally, completely, admitted to myself that I had a problem. I knew if I continued on the tramadol path, I would end up dead on day from an overdose. I couldn't do that to myself, or my family, not for a stupid, little white pill! I repented and sobbed and poured out myself to God that night, and then did it all over again to my husband when he came home from church.

That was on November 11th, 2009, just two days before my 41st birthday. It is now November 23rd and I have not had one tramadol. I gave Robert all of the pills, and frankly I don't even care what he did with them. God has delivered me from the desire to have them, but there have (and still are) the consequences of withdrawals. The first few days were some of the most miserable I've ever had: chills, flu-like symptoms, restless leg syndrome in legs and arms, insomnia, loose bowels, zero strength, etc. Even now, with my body starting to balance out, I'm having to deal with emotional-instability (turns out tramadol is a anti-depressant, so my emotions are now *so* out of whack!). I'm having a hard time being around a crowd of people, because I get overwhelmed very easily. Trust me, it's hard being 41 and having the instability of a three year old, but I get it...

Just to be clear, I do not place blame for my situation on anyone other than myself. While it is true tramadol is too easily touted by doctors as the "lesser" drug, it was own doing that brought me to where I am. Smart people can do stupid things when left to their own devices, and instead of being up front with God I tried to hide it (which is *really* stupid, because He does just happen to be All-Knowing). While God does not expect His child to be perfect, He does expect me to be open with Him about everything that is going on within myself. He's never going to force Himself on me, and when I keep Him at bay, He will sit and wait for me to seek Him. Once I did, I was able to realize how much I need Him, and how far away I had strayed from Him. He has been there for me the whole time, but I just did not see it. Now I do, and I want a fresh, clean life.

So, that's pretty much been my life for the past couple of years. Now that I'm on the road to recovery, I feel myself wanting to do things I haven't really wanted to do in a long time, like cooking, artwork, taking care of the house, yadda yadda. I found myself looking at a tree the other day, and I was glorifying in the God's beauty of autumn. Despite the horribleness of withdrawals (and trust me folks, it is a total suck-fest), I'm starting to feel like the old me again, the me with hopes and dreams and passions. Despite all the shame, fear, and pain I've experienced with this drug addiction, my prayer is to have a testimony of hope for someone else one day.

No matter what we go through, we are never alone. God is my life and my strength, and He alone is how I am able to get through this. He has also blessed me with a family who has committed to helping me wholly, and I cannot ask for more than that.:)

P.S. This post has not been edited or spell-checked, for my brain is still a little foggy and seemingly easy things still take a lot of effort. I was afraid if I started diddling about with the post it would be deleted, and then I wouldn't have the energy to write it again...

More ACEO Art

2007-08-11T13:47:00.000-05:00

I am having so much fun creating these little wee works of art! I've finished two more, and have another almost completed. I am truly enjoying myself.

Title: Lavender Blue
Medium: Mixed (markers/pencils/paints)
Size: 2.5"x3.5"

And now for something completely different:

Title: Precious
Medium: Mixed
Size: 2.5"x3.5"

What is interesting about the last one is that I don't even like frogs! But I find this particular one extremely cute.:)

New Artwork

2007-08-09T05:41:00.000-05:00

I've decided to concentrate on ACEOs for a while. They are small, quick, and force me to pay attention to detail. Since not a lot can fit in a 2.5"x3.5" space, they are helping me focus on what I really want to put in a piece rather than a lot of "filler". They are also a good way to help me "keep busy" until I figure out where I'm going.

Title: Golden Green
Medium: Prismacolor markers/colored pencils
Size: 2.5"x3.5"

Title: Pink Sweet
Medium: Prismacolor markers/colored pencils
Size: 2.5"x3.5"

They both turned out exactly how I wanted them too, which is really rare for me. 'Golden Green' was a Froudian infulence in the eyes, and 'Pink Sweet' just makes me feel girly and happy.

ACEOs...yay! They are so much fun.:)

I'm Still Here...

2007-08-03T10:31:00.001-05:00

...but barely kicking.

My neighbor has a work conflict this week, so I'm watching her children from 1- 4 PM. They are good kids. One is *very* energetic and wants to stay over here *all* day and night. I'm only used to two kids.

I'm exhausted. Sweet release, come quickly!

FulCaf is feeling: nutso

My First Sock!

2007-07-30T17:23:00.000-05:00

And no! There's no picture! Argh!

However, fear not...Robert promised me that he would get the camera set up over the next couple of days, so (hopefully) there should be a pic soon.

What I can tell you is that I am so *happy* with how it came out! I started it Thursday afternoon and finished last Sunday night (it was pretty much finished Sunday afternoon, but I had church that evening so had to wait for the finishing touches. I expected it to take a lot longer for my first sock, and I was so excited that I immediately cast on the second.

What I can tell you is this: it's red, it's elvish, and it's Arwen! Woohoo! Hopefully by the time we get the camera set up I'll have both of them finished, but if not I'll post the one by itself.

My first sock; yay!

FulCaf is feeling: excited!

Sigh

2007-07-28T14:27:00.000-05:00

I'm really uncomfortable today. I need to get an overall checkup, especially since this surgery, and *especially* since I have not had one of "those" kinds of checkups since Jessi was born. She's be 5 in August.

Yes, I know. I am the poster child of everything that is wrong with women when it comes to keeping up with personal health. Don't worry, I've already heard it from my parents, and they're right...the sooner I get a check up, the better.

On a happier note, I'm soon to finish my very first sock ever. I turned the heel with absolutely no problem, but my picked up stitches look icky. I think if I go back and graft the gaps it will be okay, but I was a little bummed. However, the rest of the sock looks great. And the pattern I chose wasn't exactly for beginner sock knitters, but I figure the best way to learn is to just do, right? And I love this pattern so much that I'm going to use it to make armwarmers (which I think I love more than socks, if possible).

Anyway, I'm off to get comfortable on the couch and knit some more. I'll see you on Monday!

Oh, BTW: can anyone who uses Haloscan for comments tell me how to set up requiring e-mails from a commenter? I want to be able to e-mail people when they comment, but I can't find anywhere to do that...

FulCaf is feeling ouchie

Ouchie Feeling Better

2007-07-27T09:57:00.000-05:00

As you may recall, yesterday I twisted my ankle after trying to chase down El Gato Diablo Negro. Last night I spent with it wrapped in an ace bandage, propped up on a pillow, eating Advil and watching Brady Bunch DVDs. While was feeling better, it still hurt.

Fortunately, it's not nearly as bad this morning. I'm walking on it fine, and there is just the teensiest bit of bruising. Julius, El Gato blah blah is not at all remorseful for causing ~~the maid~~ his hooman mommy pain. I mean, what did he care? He still got a kitty treat out of the whole ordeal.

*Sigh* Thank God I don't spoil my kids the way I do my cats, or there would be no peace in this house ever. I want my children to grow up to be respectful adults, not kitty-treat addicted felines.

Oh, well.

I started Cookie A's Monkey sock last night with Brown Sheep's Wildfoote Blue Blood Red. It's moving along swimmingly. However, due to my incredibly ~~humongous~~ voluptuous calves, I will only be knitting 3 rounds of the lace pattern instead of 6 in hopes of achieving a tall anklet. I can't say how much I love this pattern, and the yarn. The design looks very leafy, and the color has 'Arwen Elven Princess' written all over it. It's just perfect for me.:)

Speaking of Arwen, I need to finish the Fellowship DVD. I started it the other day and got so tired I had to go to bed. I ended it at the Council of Elrond, one of my favorite scenes (gotta love Sean Bean as Boromir).

Later gators.

FulCaf is feeling goofy

PS: Last night I was talking to my beloved little faery, and I told her she keeps me sane. She was very frightened to hear that...

Le Big Hairy Sigh

2007-07-26T10:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, I would say that today sux to be me, but I'm in too good of a mood.

Go figure.

Yesterday I was completely under the weather. Indigestion, heartburn, nausea, the whole shibang. I took some medicine which made me feel like lead and so sleepy! So basically I had no energy for anything. This morning I wake up, am feeling a lot better, and to make long story short: the cat gets outside.

Now, you have to understand: we do *not* let our cats outside. When we lived at our old place we used to let them roam with abandon, but the day one of them came home sick and died that stopped. I don't know if Gideon had gotten into something or if he just got sick (he only had one kidney, we later discovered) but it's my opinion he drank some anti-freeze or something of the like. In consideration, we now live on a very busy road and just two days earlier the neighbor's cat, Fat Girl, got hit and killed (and I loved that cat!). So, no more going outside for our kitties. And the few times one has gotten outside, it's sheer murder to get them back in.

So here I am, running down the front steps, shrieking at the top of my lungs, fussing at kids who stood there with door wide open while yakking to each other, and fussing at cat to please, "whatever you do, do NOT go into the bushes! Oh my Lord, there he goes, into the bushes!" when I am promptly informed that there are bunnies under there, yes people, bunnies! Of course, one of said bunnies decided to high-tail it out of there once El Gato Diablo Negro comes crashing in on its parade. One child (not mine, the neighbors) starts saying, "Don't let him get the other bunny!" and me, in my flustered state, snaps back, "Who cares about the bunny? I just have to get that cat back inside!" which, of course, I do care about the bunny, but all I can think about is how on EARTH am I going to get Julius out of those bushes with a twisted ankle (which I did while I was flying down the steps, you understand). I shooed David and Jessi back in the house and while Justin kept tabs I went inside and grabbed some kitty treats. I came back outside and went to the end of the bushes, pumping the brand new store-bought treats in the air, all the while hollaring, "KITTY TREATS! COME GET KITTY TREATS!" like a madwoman. Fortunately, Julius had been jonesing for them long enough, for he scuttled out from the bushed and took a beeline right towards me. I scooped him up and hauled him inside, all the while fussing at him for getting out, and at kids for letting him out, something like this: "JuliusstupidcatyouKNOWyournotsupposedtogetout!andyoukids,youknowyouarenotsupposedtostandtalkingwiththedooropenhowmanytimes
haveItoldyoudonotstandtalkingwithdooropenthecatswillgetoutandlookwhathappened
andnowI'vetwistedmyankleblahblahblah!!"

Nice, calm, and sane, yep, that's me.

So anyway, I promptly plopped Julius in the kitchen, where I shook my fist at him, fussed at him some more, and then in my relief promptly gave him a kitty treat. Hey, I don't have SUCKER written across my forehead for nothing.

So now, I'm nursing a sore ankle amongst other pains but at least the kids and cats are now settled. And the bunnies that have decided to take up residence in my yard (yes, we have bunnies! How cute is that?) are safe. I have not seen them for a while so I thought maybe they moved on, but I guess not (of course, after coming face to face with El Gato Diablo Negro they might change their minds). One bunny in particular lives in our huge flowering lantana bush in the back yard, but they like to frolic in the front yard bushes too. They are *so* cute, and I'm happy to have them as yardmates.

Anyway, methinks all my pain and anguish calls for sock yarn prOn, don't you?

I present Dreams In Color Smooshy sock yarn:

Stange Harvest

November Muse

Aren't they *luscious*? I particularly love November Muse, because of the rich chocolately redwoody brown and also it's my birth month. And I love Strange Harvest because it reminds me of October, which is my favorite month. I'm kind of weird and spooky that way. Of course, I also fell in love with the "Lipstick Lava" colorway, but I already have two different red sock yarns coming to me. How many red socks do I need, anyway (don't answer that). Right now, I'm waiting for Brown Sheep Wildfoot Luxery Sock Yarn 'Blue Blood Red' and JaggerSpun Super Lamb 'Cardinal'. Woohoo! Love me some socks. And although not socks, I am also planning to start Icarus in the fall using JaggerSpun Zephyr 'Ruby' (however, I have to finish the Moth first, which is being knitted in Alchemy Haiku 'Platinum').

See? Told ya I was into red! Anyway, I'm off to catch up on some podcasts. Bye!

FulCaf is feeling: nerdy

Welcome to Llama Land

2007-07-24T06:32:00.000-05:00

Hey there all.:) Like the new banner? It's my tribute to alpaca, a yarn I very much have fallen in love with. Perhaps the love would not be so deep were the little animals it comes from not so cute, but there you go. I've also been into red lately, and gray is such a good compliment to red that I find the new color scheme rater soothing.

I want to apologize to everyone for falling off the face of the earth. I wish I could say it had been unintentional, but alas that would not be the case. For reasons I really cannot explain, I had retreated into a cave and did not want to come out. Everything seemed to be a chore for me, from getting out of bed to eating breakfast to interacting on the internet. Perhaps it was the drugs from the surgery that were clouding my mind, but I just did not have the energy to do a whole lot, nor the inclination. What I didn't realize, however, was how much I would miss everything.

And honestly? I've had very little inspiration for much lately. It's as if my creativity has just kind of flushed itself down the toilet. I've done no artwork, and a little designing but nothing is 'clicking'. Any knitting I've done has been more to learn things than actual projects. The one shining light in this creative void, however, is that I am learning how to knit socks. You should have seen me the other day when I turned my first heel; it was an ugly, wonky heel, but it was mine nontheless. You would have think I had conquered Mt. Everest! (Sock knitters, you understand this elation).

Speaking of artwork, I've been praying a lot about which direction to go lately. I absolutely love creating my happy faeries, but I'm feeling a strong pull to go in another direction. There are so many amazing artists in the fantasy field, but I really don't think that's where God wants to take me. The images I've been getting lately are of a more spiritual nature. Being a Christian, I am drawn to anything with a Christian theme but I'm not crazy about religious art. So much of it is iconistic, and while there are some incredible Christian artists out there, only a few paint to my taste (James Christensen is one such artist and his rendition of the Parables leaves me speechless). I have been getting images of women prayer warriors, masculine angels, and eyes of the world (it's hard to explain, you just have to trust me). I even have a couple of ideas to tweak some existing works of mine to deeping their meanings. Don't get me wrong: there is nothign wrong with artwork for the sake of just being good art, but I want to create things that have deeper meanings, things that make people think. I want to reflect my beliefs in my own work and share them with others. Isn't that why we create things in the first place? To share a part of ourselves with others?
I'm also pulling references for my Women of the Bible series that I've had a dream for years to complete. I'm thinking of experimenting by putting the women in different dress and timelines. Some will be in Biblical clothing, some will be in Medieval clothing, some in modern, just as a starting point. I may or may not use them all, but it will be a neat exercise.

Now I just need to get the energy to do it.

Now, on to the gall bladder: The surgery went fine, but I'm still having some uncomfortable moments. The doctor told me I would just have to ride it out, so no more pain meds, which for the most part is fine until I start cramping. Sigh. Oh well. At least we don't have socialized medicine yet. I was able to get my consultation, surgery, and follow ups in a month complete. I have some friends that live in places where they have to wait agonizingly long for such simple procedures to take place. I was glad to get it over with. I don't "do" surgery well, even simple ones, but I suppose not many people do. It always seems to take me longer to bounce back.

I visited a couple of bulletin boards yesterday, the first time in weeks. While it felt so good to see what everyone had been up to, it was kind of sad at the same time. There were more names I did not recognize than that ones I did, and that got me thinking about the names I have not seen in a long time. I wonder what the 'old gang' is up to and how many still read the boards. I suppose there is not point in dwelling in the past, but when I'm feeling nostalgic I think on these things. What really hit it home for me is I found some of Laura Leigh's old post through a completely random Google search for a cross stitch pattern. It was so sad. I still can't believe she's gone. But there are others whose names I have not seen since the boards splintered, and I wonder how they are all doing.

Well, I've rambled enough. I think I'm going to cheer myself up by ordering some shocking red sock yarn and get down with the magic loop method I was working on last night. I've taught myself how to do it, but now I just need to expand beyond the toe and actually complete the rest of the sock!

Summer of the Gall Bladder

2007-06-11T16:24:00.000-05:00

During the past few weeks, I've seen good days and bad as far as the health department goes. I can't remember if I discussed the really bad attack of pain I had before Christmas, but I had another attack like that not too long ago, only not quite as bad. It was bad enough, however, that left me feeling pretty horrible, even to the point of missing a beloved neice's graduation party (my daughter also had a high fever that finally broke that weekend...what a Saturday that was!). Several bottles of medication and one ultrasound later and we have discovered that a rather large stone has taken up residence in Stacey's gall bladder. Bleacgh. Needless to say, it's getting removed (the entire gall bladder, not just the stone) on Wednesday.

Wierd, huh? Kind of shades of last summer when my husband suffered with pancreatitis and a defunct gall bladder that had to be removed. Only his wouldn't come out through larposcopy, they had to cut his out. Ouch! Mine is planned for the former, less invasive method, so lets just pray the gall bladder doesn't decide to play hardball.

Anyway, I'm hoping I'll feel more like my old self after this surgery. If I owe you an e-mail, please be patient a little while longer. I'm planning on resuming blogging and board activity next week, so I'll see you in. Please think of me on Wednesday around 1:30 PM and send me a prayer! I'll sure appreciate it.:)

Le Stink

2007-04-18T08:47:00.000-05:00

Question for all you perfume junkies out there: ever see a perfume and due to its uniqueness/quirkiness/all-around-uber-coolness you absolutely can't resist it and then it turns to something little better than dog wee wee on your skin?

*sigh*

That's me and Kenzo perfumes. They are so cool, so clean, so warm weather-ish that I fell in love with them. Alas, my body chemistry didn't appreciate them like my nose did and I ended up gagging instead of swooning.

*bigger sigh*

Ah, well...off to search some more for the perfect spring time scent.

From the Photo Archives

2007-04-17T05:16:00.000-05:00

In the mood to share a picture. It was taken at our previous home, but everyone is still pretty much the same: fat, happy, and lazy (hubby excepted...he's just happy.:))

Behold Les Lazy Butts:

L - R: Julius the Black Menace, Irwin named a la Steve Irwin, Mulder da Boo-Boo, and Gypsy Princess Kitty. The hooman is Husband.

*sigh* Just a gooshy, sweetie moment I wanted to share.

A Lovely Weekend

2007-04-16T10:45:00.000-05:00

I've been out of town this weekend, celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary of my in-laws. The food was wonderful, the company first-rate, and a lovely time was had by all.:)

And right before I left, I was able to finish my Clapotis! Woohoo! Do I have pictures? Of course not! Because we *still* can't find the cord to our digicam. I've discovered that one of the things that adds to the interest of blogs are pictures, particularly blogs of a crafty sort, and yet here I am, once again, with no pictures to offer. Whip me with a wet noodle, please. 'Tis most discouraging.

Needless to say, this does little to diminish my joy of having my very first large knitting FO. Using 6 balls of Noro Kuryeon color 92 on size 8 circular KnitPicks Options, it swathes me in a muted rainbow. I blocked it within an inch of its life, and since Kuryeon is straight wool it reproduced itself by nearly 30%. I can hardly say how much I love this piece. I even found a lovely little shawl pin with a faux turquoise stone topper to wear with it. I love it so much I've already made plans to start on another one (as a matter of fact, I've had the yarn for Clapotis No. 2 for nearly two weeks. Luck favors the prepared).

Pros and cons of Kuryeon: it is definitely slubby. If a yarn that ranges from DK weight to bulky bothers you, skip this one. If you can get past that, it's certainly a yarn worth investigating. Of course, no one does self-striping better than Noro, so the color work is an absolute thrill to watch emerge. The wool does tend to be a little rough on the hands, but it softened nicely once it had a bath. I fully intend on using it again for another Clapotis No. 3, but for No. 2 I'm going with Noro Silk Garden Lite 2027. It is much softer than the Kuryeon, and is a DK weight. I've seen about a gazillion Clapotis knitted in regular Silk Garden, but very few I've seen in the Lite. I am looking forward to experimenting with this lovely yarn. Methinks I've become a Noro addict, yes?

Right now, however, I'm taking a break from the Clapotis and working on something a little less sophisticated: the S'n'B Alien Illusion Scarf. I'm using one ball each of Cascade 220 in Black and Lime Green, and whizing away on size 7 Addi Turbo circs. Yes, I am strange and I can't *wait* to finish this project!
The green fits nicely for Project Spectrum. *grins*

Okay, enough blogging, back to knitting...

Revelation

2007-04-03T08:24:00.000-05:00

The days of late have been a time of deep reflection. I have been doing a lot of searching and growing, reaching into myself. I have been communing with God in ways I have not done in a long time, and it has felt so good. It has also cast light in areas that have been formerly shrouded in darkness, and with exposure has come self-revelation.

I used to be very close to God. His desires were my desires, His wants my wants; I wanted to use my gifts and callings for His purpose, to edify and shed love on others. I don't quite know how it happened, but a lot of the things that I once held as consecrations I have let slip by the wayside. I have ignored those sweet, subtle Callings and pressed on to do my own thing. Now, however, I feel His gentle wooing and I'm ready to embrace Him once again.

What does this mean? I'm not sure exactly, but I know one area He is wooing me in is my artwork. For years I've allowed my talent to lay dormant, and it was not until 2005 that I started developing it again. I am so proud of the works I have accomplised since, even those that that I don't "like" very much. Each piece, regardless of how good or bad, holds a place in my heart, for each piece is a teacher. I've learned so many things about technique through experimentation, but I've also learned a lot about myself. My work is very 'girly', and it pretty much mirrors the artist within. I love the fairies and Celtic women I've portrayed, and some of these pieces are like old friends.

Yet, there is now a longing in me to do more. God has been calling me, in that sweet voice, to go deeper. He is calling me to explore my faith and use the canvas as expression. Can I do it? It seems no problem for me to create things from my imagination, but to create things that stem from my soul? It's a prospect that's scary and exilirating at the same time. The desire to share my beliefs with others through my work has always been there, but I've spent so much time carving out a certain path for myself that I've ignored that desire. And God is so gentle; He never forces us to do things, not even the things we really want to do. He just gently knocks, patiently and sweetly, until we decide to open the door. And what do you do after you invite Him in? Do you just sit Him in a corner and ignore Him, or do you fellowship with Him? Well, I'm tired of having Him in a corner, so I think it's time to break out the bon-bons and coffee and treat Him to tea.

It feels good to have His arms around me again. Although He's always been here, I've always been there, if you know what I mean.

*****************************************************

I want to thank everyone for putting in their votes towards the Wing 'O the Moth shawl yarn choice. After much deliberation and tearful agonizing (I take my yarn very seriously, you understand) I have decided on Platinum. It was a very close race: the runner-ups were Vintage Jade, Mother-of-Pearl, and Mica. And trust me: I will be knitting with all of these colors at one point or another, as well as Dream and Teal Tide...oh, so many wonderful colors! This was not an easy decision, I assure you. However, I realize the one thing that really sold me on this shawl was the frothiness of the original. Anne used Douceur et Soie in Ivory, and it positively glows in the photo. I want that same kind of glow, and I thought Platinum would work the best. And I'm right; when I opened my parcel and saw the skeins, I gasped. This is going to be one incredible shawl!

Alas, I can't start it until I finish Seraphim and my Clapotis (I'm in round 8 of the straight rows section...I'm bleeding from the eyes...). I keep waiting to see if there will be an Amazing Lace 2007, for if there is I want to enter Moth as my partner. I keep peeking at the web site to see if there is anything new, but so far I keep getting a "Not Found" page.

Of course, whether or not there is an Amazing Lace, Wing 'O the Moth will be my Project 'O the Summer and I can't wait! I've been frothing at the mouth to start this project since November. Woohoo! But I have to finish the others first, yes, I must I must. So many projects, so few hands...

Autumn-Child

2007-03-15T17:00:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling autumn in my bones. Oddly enough, it happens every spring, perhaps because spring and autumn are my seasons.

I love spring for the obvious; the rebirth of everything, the newness that blooms on every plant and bush, and the expectancy of joy that shines forth. Rather than New Year's, this is the time when I make new resolutions. Spring sings to me in a sweet melody that leaves me happy. Today as I walked in Barnesville, touching the black Narnian lamposts that line Main Street, my heart was ready to say goodbye to winter and embrace it's flowering sister.

But autumn...words can barely describe the magic of that season for me. Perhaps it is because I am an autumn-child in every respect; I was born in November and wear fair skin, blue-green eyes, and auburn hair. And yes, I also sport the dreaded freckles that so many times plauge fair-skin, but God saw fit to give them to me so I deal with them. And although I love all colors, I find lately I've been painting more with the firey hues of oranges, reds, and golds.

Even the scents I prefer are autumnal; apples, cinnamons, and pumpkin often adorn my body and scent my home. Right now I am wearing CB's Gathering Apples, and it is glorious. I am feeling all red and rosy. Perhaps it is the rain that is aiding in these autumnal feelings, for the sky is slightly gray and comforting.

If only I had a fireplace I would be snuggled before it, coffee in hand and a Enya's 'The Celts' CD in the stereo. Ah, well, if I must forgo the fire, then I shall at least let the Celts woo me; then, my autumn world will be complete...

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

2007-03-12T12:24:00.000-05:00

Yes yes yes!! I'm back!!

I have just spent the month of February packing and getting ready to move into our new home. I would have informed everyone sooner, but Bellsouth goofed and cut our phone line and DSL sooner than I requested, so no computer. We finally got things sorted out, and last week while we moved into our new digs Robert managed to get the computer up and running. This is the first time I've been able to get on line, but I'm here and I'm in a new place and I'm so happy!:)

I don't know exactly what it was, but ever since the episode with David's disappearance I have not been myself. I don't know if it was post-traumatic stress syndrome or what, but I've never completely been happy after that happened. My son was returned to me fine and healthy, with hardly a scratch on him and I am forever thankful to God for preserving my little boy. That said, things just didn't feel "right" anymore...the neighborhood held less charm than before, the house seemed smaller, and I just sort of, well, drifted. Don't get me wrong, some wonderful things happened in the years that followed, but I have felt like a restless soul for too long. We had gotten into a habit of putting things on hold, and we were waiting, always waiting...but for what? For some reason, we found ourselves putting our life on hold, for reasons we couldn't fathom. We had been discussing the possibility of moving closer to my parents for a while, but finally decided in January it was time. We found a house we wanted towards the end of January, and now, after a whirlwind courtship of securing a loan, packing, changing utilities, and moving, I am snuggled in my new nest that is literally twice the size of our old home, complete with seperate dining room, office, and sunroom. Can you say happy??

And the town...it's so adorable. It's actually one of those small, quaint little village-types where you know the name of the mailman and people actually talk to each other. It's the kind of place where everything seems more relaxed, less stressed. The Main Street is the hub of the town, and the historic district speaks of grand old homes, some of them stemming from the town's origination in 1826. To say I have fallen in love is an understatement.

I am sorry I have not been around, but I completely needed this time to do this. My family needed this. I can only hope that the specters of doubt and fear can finally go away and leave us to make this the new beginning we need. I truly covet your prayers, and I humbly thank you in advance for them.:)

More tomorrow, my beloved freaky dahlings!

Help Me Choose

2007-01-31T17:56:00.000-05:00

Okay...I'm at an impass and just can't make up my mind. So I'm doing what any self-respecting knitter would do: I'm passing the monkey to you so you can make up my mind for me.

Here's the pattern: Wing 'O the Moth

Here is the yarn: Alchemy Haiku

I can't pick a color. I've tried. I like them *all*. So I'm taking votes. Go 'head, people! Pick a color for me!

Yes, I am a grown woman with children. But in this matter, that changes nothing.

35 Things You Probably Knew

2007-01-29T12:21:00.000-05:00

I'm in kind of a reflective mood, so I thought I would do a little "35 things about me" post. Just in that kind of mood, I suppose.

1) I'm Southern, which means I like to gab, eat, and sit on front porches.
2) Despite being Southern, I hate grits, ice-tea, and biscuits covered in chicken-fried steak. This will get you thrown out of some counties, but I take my chances.
3) My eye color depends on who you ask: my husband will say they are blue, but my son swears they're green.
4) I have very, very dark red hair that photographs nearly black but is obviously red in person.
5) I'm very fair-skinned with freckles. 'Angel kisses', indeed.
6) Once I tried to tan by slathering Crisco all over my body and baked in the sun for three hours. It was one of the worst sunburns I ever encountered. I wish I could say I have never done anything that stupid again.
7) I have two children: a russet-haired boy with eyes like espresso beans, and a little blonde girl with eyes like cornflowers. Genetics fascinate me.
8) When my husband dies I will remain a widow, for I know I will never meet anyone who could possibly understand or love me the way he does.
9) I am a trained vocalist. My specialty in college was musical theater.
10) I have a BA in Liberal Arts. My major was theater.
11) I'm starting to enjoy some modest success with my artwork, and that's a fabulous feeling.
12) Especially considering I'm painfully insecure about my art.
13) If I had to classify myself politically, I would say I'm an indepedant-conservative.
14) My faith dictates my politics. I cannot seperate the two.
15) I'm a Christian, but not in name only; I believe the Bible is the real McCoy.
16) I love 'strange' people, those that are a little off-center and unique. I find them darling.
17) I love all colors, but pale pink seems to be my perinneal favorite.
18) My favorite TV shows are The Brady Bunch, I Love Lucy, Monk, and Firefly.
19) My style can be defined as 'simple-comfort'. I'm usually found in an oversized sweatshirt, long skirt, and bare feet ('cept in winter when they scream for socks).
20) I have not cut my hair for 10 years and it's almost to my waist.
21) I am a perfume junkie! But my current favorite is Amarige. Other favorites include Heavenly, Vera Wang, and Design.
22) Origins is my favorite skincare.
23) I wear glasses mainly for reading, but because I'm always losing them I leave them on at all times.
24) I have a tattoo of a scorpion on my shoulder. I had thought about getting it removed but decided not to.
25) I am a city-girl at heart who loves small villages as long as they have a real community feel.
26) Autumn in my favorite season.
27) Yanni is my favorite musician.
28) I *heart* coffee!
29) The ocean must flow in my viens for I feel my pulse quicken when I'm near it. I love the ocean with everything I am, and yet you are doing good to even get me to wade.
30) I wish Alice was a real person and worked for me. Life would be perfect!
31) My favorite PC game is Fairies.
32) The world seems a lot less fun without Steve Irwin. I will always miss him.
33) I drink Diet Coke.
34) I don't eat sushi.
35) White chocolate or dark? Yes.

Arty Goodness!

2007-01-23T07:06:00.000-05:00

I got a new art piece finished! Stay tuned...

...and I got her uploaded at http://staceytippin.livejournal.com/! I tried to upload her here, but the file was too big and I'm too lazy to downsize. I'm still learning all this newfangled jazz at Blogger, so please bear with me.

BTW, I'll have another art piece uploaded later today. New art...wheeee!

New Look at the Caffeinated

2007-01-18T09:33:00.000-05:00

New Aslan heading. You likey?

I've been wanting to give my blog a change, but nothing that meant long hours and much gnashing of teeth so I just updated the logo and fiddled with the background. I kept everything else pretty much the same. I'm thinking of streamlining by list of blogs by listing the names of the bloggers instead of the blog names, in an aid to make it more personal and less cluttered looking. We shall see.

Not much else to report. I'm not feeling great (read: I've got The Ick) so I've been slowly working on a scarf. Remember the ill-fated Cheshire Cat scarf I started ages ago? Yep, it's back, only I've restarted it on circular needles. Whee! Only 10 more rows to go and I can switch yarns. The colors I've chosen are Royal Purple and Fuschia in Paton's Merino Wool, and both are dark, rich colors that perfectly match the Cheshire Cat (which is the *only* thing I like out of the creepy Alice In Wonderland stories, with the exception of Disney's rendition of the singing flowers. Artistically, those flower-ladies were brilliant). I really want to work on my Seraphim Shawl, but that requires concentration and I don't know if I'm up for that right now. I'm getting ready to take a couple of muscle relaxers for my back, so pretty soon I'll be in snooze land anyway.

Saving pains

2007-01-17T14:40:00.000-05:00

Ugh. Me headache.

And wow, me wants! 'Lovers Leap' and 'Sunstone'...me wants me wants me wants!

*sigh*

Thou shalt not covet. Methinks it's time to go stitch on my scarf for a bit 'till the urge to clicky clicky on Blue Moon passes. Trying to save money, trying to save money, trying to save money...

*sigh*

For Lana

2007-01-12T10:35:00.000-05:00

See? Proof that I did actually do some artwork this holiday!:)

Forest Maiden II sketch

I, Borg

2007-01-11T08:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, my inner-geek has sprung fully-fledged this morning and, doing what any other self-respecting nerd would do, I'm going to throw caution to the wind and blare it from the rooftops:

"I am Circuitous of Borg!"

'What?' you ask, with an oh-so-curious look on your face? Well, it's quite simple; I just finished downloading Episode 12.5 of CraftBorg (incidentaly, the only podcast I currently listen to because, frankly, Rose and Julie sound like people I would hang with and share my nerdy-goodness), and I started thinking about the Borg from Star Trek and all their Borg-y names. You know the type: Seven of Nine, Three of Ten, Eleventy-one of Thousandy-two, that kind of thing. It also doesn't hurt that one of my top most favorite of all time STNG episode is "I, Borg" that centers of the Borg who calls himself Hugh and is, as far as I know, still enjoying his unusual Borg-y individuality. And of course, we all know Jean-Luc as Lucutious of Borg (who looked mighty fine in his Borg-like apparel, but I digress), which led my to want a Borg name for myself since I am part of the CraftBorg collective. Well, I thought and thought, and nothing came to mind until I saw my circular knitting needles. With the exception of DPNs, I've been stitching everything lately exclusively with circulars. I have fallen in love with circular needles, and I have them from size 4 up to size 11 and plan to get more. And then it dawned on me: I am a circular knitter! I knit is a circuitous fashion, which makes me circuitous! I am Circuitous of Borg!
Yaaaaaaaah!!

*ahem*

Okay, so maybe it's not that fabulous to those of you who are scratching your head and wondering if I've completely lost my marbles, but that's who I am in the CraftBorg world and I'm happy about it. Told you I was a geek.

Anywho, other than my intensely deep thoughts about assimilation being futile and all that, I've actually been knitting. No picuture, of course, 'cause I'm not cool but I can tell you that I'm half way done with one of my Gandalf the Grey armwarmers. I'm using Patons Classic Merino wool in the most gorgeous charcoal grey. I'm using size 3 DPNs and it's coming along swimmingly. Hopefully I will finish with one today so I can at least keep one arm and wrist warm while I knit the other (it's been cold here for Georgia! Brr!). I'm also working on my Tumnas scarf, which is a simply 1x1 rib. It's not a fancy yarn (Lion Brand Wool-Ease) but the color is *perfect*. It's Ranch Red, and it's this bright, happy red that is not too orange and not too blue. The only thing I would do differently with this scarf is add one strand of red mohair to make if fuzzier, but I'm anxious to get it finished so I can wear it and not freeze to death in the mornings while taking my kiddos to school. And I promise: once I get these finished I will bug my hubby to death about finding our digicam software and uploading it so I can actually prove I'm knitting.

Random Totally Off Subject Question of the Day: can those of you who live in apartments tell me the pros and cons of apartment living vs. owning a house? And those of you who have lived in both apartment and houses, can you chime in as well? We've been wanting to move for a while, and frankly I don't know if I want to buy another house. I'm not into yard work a the moment, and I love the idea of an apartment or town house but then again, I've always owned a home and I love the security that brings. I just don't know what would be the best route for us. We do have two children and four cats, and that's a factor as well. Hmm, just don't know...

2006 Year in Review

2007-01-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here, drinking caffeine-free Diet Coke and contemplating my canker sore the size of Rhode Island that has chosen to wart its way on the inside of my upper lip. Yes, this is the result from Christmas in the South, and what comes with Christmas in the South: *lots* of food, all of it fried, fatty, totally delicious and gooey, all of which tastes wonderful and are sure breeding grounds for canker sores and other mouth nasties of the sort. And it hurts! You don't know pain until you've had a canker sore born out of rich gravy, savory roasts, too many sodas and lots of ooey candy. But I'm Southern, and the one thing Southerners do during the holidays is eat, canker sores be cursed.

And one of the cursed things has unpacked its bags and moved in where I sure as all git out don't want it, but it's my own fault and so there.

Anywho, if I may possibly move along, I was going to make this post a list of my New Year's Resolutions. You know the ones: be a better person, lose weight, give more, live more, save money, be happy, don't worry so much, actually finish a cross stitch pattern, knit something other than a couple of rows before ripping them out yaddayaddayadda; you know, the basics. Well, freaky dahlings, this time I'm not going to list them. It's not as if I don't want to, it's just I don't want to start out the year breaking half of my resolutions. It seems as soon as I put something to paper (or computer, as the case may be) I immediately lose my resolve. So, I plan to keep my resolutions private, and then if I break them I'm accountable to no one but myself. And if I do keep them, then I'll be shouting them from the rooftops during my next 2007 Year in Review. Huzzah!

Frankly, I'm glad 2006 is gone. It was a horrible year. It went something like this:

1) Feb: Close internet friend commits suicide.

2) April: majorly messed up my back which results with me being on some kind of drug, either pain killers or muscle relaxers, for the rest of 2006.

3) May/June: Husband gets whacked with pancreatitus and is in the hospital for two weeks, out of work for 2 more.

4) July: Husband gets gall bladder removed, out of work for 3 weeks.

5) September: I get an annonymous package in mail informing me I'm in denial about my son and claiming he has a serious mental condition (which is really spooky to get something like this, even though the sender claims to have had the best of intentions).

6) October: I get rear-ended by a huge Ford truck that sends me to the emergency room for a leg injury (thank God it was not very serious) but that puts us in a rental for nearly two months.

7) November: Fully Caffeinated gets revisited by Ohio stalker in comments box

8) The one great thing: In December, I got to meet my 19 year old stepson for the first time and we all had a great Christmas.

So, that's my year in review. It's not as bad as it could have been, but I'm ready to move on to greener pastures. I'm ready to live a boring, vanilla life.

On another note, I've been finding new blogs to stick my nose in and enjoy. On this particular jewel, I found this joke that I felt you crafty people would appreciate (particularly you knitters):

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper rolled down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

Hyuk hyuk! And before I get any "you mean, anti-blonde person" kind of mail, may I remind everyone that the person who first posted that joke is a blonde herself, and a lovely pale blonde at that. So there.:)

Let's raise a glass and hail a toast for 2007! May it be everything 2006 was not and all the better for it.

{{hugs}}

Legolas Sings!

2006-12-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

We found this and I thought my neice, Ms. 'I Love Everything Orlando' Brynna, would appreciate it. So, without further ado, I give you Orlando Bloom singing O Holy Night:

O Holy Night

And Haldir fans everywhere are laughing manically with glee...

*ducks for cover, knowing there are a lot of Legolas fans in the blogosphere who might not appreciate my sick sense of humor*

Merry Christmas!:)

The Moth Cocooned Until Further Notice

2006-12-19T13:03:00.000-05:00

Ho ho ho. Darnit.

Looks like I'm going to have to wait until after Christmas to start the Moth after all. I'm rather strapped for money at the moment, and I'm going to have to make due with what I have, and what have is either

A) not appropriate yarn for such a delicate project

or

B) not enough appropriate yarn for such a mammoth, delicate project (a tiny little scrap of knitting it ain't).

So, I'm going to wait until I *do* have enough funds for enough yarn for the ethereal behemoth before I begin. I was going to use the Kidsilk Night in Starlight, but now I'm toying with the idea of Alchemy's Haiku instead. When considering the yardage per skein, it's a much better deal for the buck and that's where I am these days; Clark Howarding my way through finances. Any deal is a good one, especially when it saves me pennies. Three skeins of Haiku will yeild 975 yards, while four balls of the Kidsilk Night yeilds 908. Five skeins of the Night costs more than three skeins of the Haiku, and three skeins of Haiku is enough to finish one amazing, frothy Moth. Ergo, we goes with za Haiku.

You see how penny pinching is helping my knitting? It's causing me to consider all kinds of yummy yarns that I would have never considered before, because I thought they were "too expensive". Check to yardage, friends, always check the yardage. Not all skeins are alike.

Now that I've painstakingly decided on yarn, what color? I'm really gravitating towards Platinum or Mother of Pearl, for out of all the Moths I've googled I find I'm drawn most to the lighter colored versions, much like a moth is drawn to a flame (get it?? Moth to a flame?? Hyuck! hyuck! You see, we're talking about the shawl the Moth, you know, which is named after a moth, and moths go to flames, you know, and I made the same comparison, you know, well...never mind). Anyway, I think either of these colors would be lovely, but then my inner color ho starts screaming, No! Turquoise Pool! Or Scarlet's Dark Secret! I'm even considering Dream or Foxglove, two colors I normally would not consider but would look incredible on the Moth. I'm open to suggestions, for by the time I actually get around to affording the yarn surely I'll have made up my mind.

Now: all this talk of the Moth brings me to the rules of the Moth KAL, being as that there are none. You can start the Moth when you want, finish it when you want, and take as long as you want. All this KAL does is let me know whose shoulder I can boo hoo on when I've discovered that extra yarn over 130 rounds into the pattern and I have no concievable idea how to fix it. You may not even be stitching the pattern yet, but if it's in your stash that's good enough for me.

It seems I'm a bit shawl happy, for currently on the needles is the lovely Seraphim Shawl by MimKnits. I'm knitting her in Paton's Lacette Hint of Rose, a lovely superfine yarn. I'm a tad concerned about the blocking considering it's a nylon/acrylic/mohair blend, but already it has more substance than traditional lace, so I don't think it will need to stretch as much.

Also on the needles (or soon to be, anyway) is Crazy Aunt Purl's Magic Scarf in Paton's SWS Natural Geranium. I love love love the way this stuff feels. Honestly, it feels better than silk. The only drawback is that it's even a bit bulkier than your average joe-shmoe worsted, and I tend to like finer yarns and smaller needles. But trust me...it's fabulous stuff.

Anyway, I hope to get our camera hooked up soon so I can show you all these lovelies in person. It seem to be a bonafide knitter-blogger you need to have two things: at least one cat on the premises and at least one photo in the blog post. Interest in cooking, while not a requirement, is a bonus. In my case, two out of three ain't so bad (gotta fix the lack of photographic content!).

Wing-'o-the-Moth KAL

2006-12-12T14:49:00.000-05:00

After several starts and much unhappiness, I have finally settled on a yarn that makes me happy. For what project, you ask? None other than one of the most beautiful creations around. This, dear ones, is the pinnacle for me in lacework beauty. I have started it, and I will indeed finish it. I even thought it would be neat if I offered a knit-along for those who, too, want to partake in this wondrous affair.

The pattern? Wing-'o-the Moth.

The yarn? Rowan Kidsilk Night in Starlight.

Needles? Crystal Palace bamboo circulars 26" size 4.

If you care to join me, leave a comment so I can place your name in the sidebar beneath the knitalong. There is no pressure, no laws, no rules; just get your pattern, pick your yarn, and knit. There will be no prizes offered, save a magnificent lace shawl created lovingly with your own hands to cherish and treasure always.

A Heartfelt Thank You

2006-12-01T14:37:00.000-05:00

I want to extend my biggest and most heartfelt thank you!! to all you wonderful collective. The sheer wealth of love and support I have recived these past few days has been phenomenal. I promise to answer every e-mail soon, and I just wanted to take this time to tell you all how much I truly love you. We never really know how many friends we have until times like this, and you all have shown me such dear friendship. Believe me when I say I will always treasure it.:)

I admit I've been hiding the past couple of days, but true to my warped sense of humour I was going to have my next post be "How to Not Take Care of Your Kids". I decided to table that at the moment, for I'm still not much in a laughing mood about it. I do, however, feel in much better spirits, and in some weird way this incident has made me a better mom! I spent last night on the floor playing cars with my son after my daughter went to bed, and just marvelled at how blessed I am. It doesn't get better than that, does it?

Now...on to the crafy report!(hoping Rosemary indulges my 'craftborginess' of the moment) Today, I am working on my "Arwen" wrist warmers. I wish I had a picture, but it's a simple 4x2 rib worked on straight needles which will be sewn up at the sides. The yarn I'm using is Blue Sky Alpaca Silk in 'Ruby', which is possibly the most gorgeous yarn I've ever worked with. I started these yesterday after a day of total frustration working with Bamboo fiber...although it feels amazing, the stuff was giving me fits so I nixed the project and started the wrist warmers. There's really not a lot of things to knit from LOTR, so I'm coming up with stuff on my own (Pippin's scarf will be started once I get a bit more experienced). I am having such a ball at knitting the wrist/arm warmers that I plan to do one for many LOTR characters and places. I'm a geek, get over it.

Speaking of LOTR, I've recently become infatuated with podcasts and, much to my dismay, can't find a LOTR one that focuses on anything other than the games. I want to start a LOTR podcast that centers around Tolkien, the books, the movies, and the answer to the question of why I will never fully forgive Peter Jackson (those of you who know me really well already know the answer. Those that don't will have to wait for the podcast. *grin*) I want to call it "The Shire Review" to go inconjunction with the blog, and I'm thinking of having a co-host (she doesn't know it yet, but she knows who she is, that little purpledustedfairyfromYankeeland). There is only one problem...I don't know a *thing* about putting together a podcast. All I know is that I want to do one, and I guess that is half the battle. I don't know how long it will be, or even if it will spark any interest, but it will be a lot of fun.

If you have e-mailed me, be expecting an e-mail soon!:)

Pain

2006-11-28T14:16:00.000-05:00

Well. I never thought a blogpost about knitting could spark someone's anger towards me, but I was wrong; apparently I have a stalker.

There have been several comments made on my blog in the past that have been rather aggressive of nature, but since they are all anonymous (of course) I have either deleted them or disregarded them. No big deal. However, I feel the latest comment needs addressing.

Comment made 11.28.06 - 1:31 pm
IP address: 216.68.116.17
If you have ever been in a search party to find a lost child and are very worried about what you will find, not to mention the physical exertion--IT IS HORRIBLE! This woman has a lot of time to mess around like she is a teenager. She needs to look after her kids! She is a total outrage--son gets out and is missing and then there is all this crap on the net! You all enable her to be irresponsible!
It Has To Be Said

Well. It seems I am surrounded by people who have the courage enough to convict me of things, and yet do not have the courage to tell me who they are. I've even gotten mail recently from an unknown source that would not tell me who they were. So, I ask this question of those of you who know me: am I so unapproachable that people must hide behind masks and false names to tell me what they think?

Anyway, to address the above post I am going to assume you know the history from which it speaks. If not, let me be brief: in 2004 my son let himself out of the house in the wee hours of the morning, climbed the fence to play with some neighbor's toys left outside, wandered away from the house and got lost. He was missing for two days, the two longest days of my life. He was four at the time, and thank God he was found not 6/10ths of a mile from our house safe and sound and was returned to our waiting arms.

Now...a lot of rumours were started due to his disappearance. Apparently no one believed that we had an extraordinarily clever and fearless 4 year old. No, he had to be autistic or something, because normal children just don't do things like this, do they? So someone told the police he was autistic, a condition which he has never been diagnosed as having (and BTW, my husband and I had a discussion with his teachers back in August and are going to get him an educational test due to the fact that he is hyper-active, brilliant academically, and yet a year behind emotionally than his students. However, due to the fact that he was "diagnosed" by someone as autistic in 2004, I do not discuss my son in public because people will want to believe what they choose. And I am, and always have been, open to the fact that my child had a special need in some regard, but I will not pre-diagnose him. I will let his doctor (whom he has already seen), and the professionals (who he will soon see) do that.) There were also rumours that we took him, we killed him, someone claimed they saw a body in the nearby river, we both had to sit through polygraphs, it was reported by Channel 2 that we had "cut off all communications with the media" (which was total bull, by the way...we just didn't want to discuss the matter with the reporter who was camped out by our bushes at 11PM that night).

Trust me when I say to you: there is no greater hell on this earth than sitting alone in a polygrapher's office, connected to wires and hearing him ask you, "Did you kill your son?" while not knowing if your child is dead or if someone is sexually molesting him at that very moment. To wonder if the police is doing everything they can to find him, is he okay? is he hurt? is he crying? And not knowing if you will ever hold your firstborn in your arms and kiss him or hug him again, or if you are going to have to go down to the morge to identify his remains. And to have these thoughts go through your mind over and over and over, keeping you from sleep while you pray to God to keep your son safe and return him to you and not knowing if that will really happen. So please, whoever you are who wrote the comment, don't you dare accuse me of anything.

If you are a volunteer who came out to help look for him, then I weep at your feet and kiss you for your generosity of time. I will forever be thankful. But to assume, because I take 15 minutes out of my day to report in a blog which has pretty much been neglected for the entire summer while I took care of my family to share with friends some of the crafty things I've done, that I am not taking care of my children goes beyond the pale. You do not know me, and you obviously do not want me to know you or you would tell me who you are. I would be very open to have a conversation with you if you told me your name, but to choose to attack me in my blog behind the face of annonymity does not make any sense.

Honestly? I wasn't going to say anything about this, or the packet I recieved in the mail (which, although I do believe had the very best of intentions, was a month too late because if the sender really knew what was going on they would have known I had already made arrangements to get David tested...but I seemed doomed to annonymous commenters, either in my blog or via the USPS) but I just don't understand it. Why is talking about my crafts equated with neglecting my kids? Especially when the time frame I do it in happens while they are tucked neatly and safely away at school? Can I not rejoice because I have my son back? Do I have to sit in a corner and fret that something like this will happen again, and not live? Or should I not let him enjoy life too, and have a little freedom that is appropriate for 7 year olds? Must we talk about nothing but the heaviness of life and those dark times of which we lived? Honey, I lived that nightmare most people only dream about. And at times, I feel *guilty*, yes, guilty, that my boy was one of the very few that is returned. And because so many of missing child cases do end in tragedy, I rejoice everyday! One thing I have learned is that you must enjoy everything in your life you choose to do: your family, your work, your food, your crafts, whatever. God has showed me that a life can change in a blink of an eye, and we are never prepared for it. For someone to call me an "outrage" and claim I am acting like a "teenager" because I am sharing a few frilly things that make me happy truly boggles my mind, especially when they chastize everyone who apparently enjoys this blog as irresponsible. Frankly, I don't know what to think.

You know, at this point I don't know who to turn to. Should I trust my family? Should I trust my church? Should I trust my friends? Do they all feel the same way as this poster? Or are these annonymous attacks coming from people I do not know, but just thought it would be fun to target a simple, uncomplicated woman with their venom? Then again, is it really venom, or am I just seeing it that way because I don't really have the right to enjoy things? Perhaps I should be graver and more serious about all things.

Anyway, I'm letting the comment stand. There is no sense deleting it, the damage has already been done. I hope the person is pleased.

LOTR knitting! Wootwoot!

2006-11-23T00:28:00.000-05:00

Oh my...it's true...I just discovered there is Lord of the Rings knitting!!!!!

For those of you who have been around me for longer than 15 seconds know, I am a hay-UGE LOTR fan. This story is to me what HP is to others. Narnia is fast closing in as it's equal, but LOTR will forever be my first love.

And guess what I found...a pattern for Pippin's scarf! I'm also working on a pattern for Gandalf's FotR mitts, which will be a derivative of the Voodoo wrist warmers found on Knitty. *And*, since I can't find a pattern for Mr. Tumnus's red scarf (all I've found in the authentic replica which charges $60.00-$70.00 dollars to purchase one already made. I don't think so!) I am going to work one myself. It may not be the "real deal", but by looking at the scarf from the film it looks to me to be 1x1 rib done on larger needles. And it's red! What fun.

So, my knitting project lineup officially reads as follows:

1) Pippin's Shire scarf (in slightly differing colorway)
2) Gandalf's Mitts
3) Mr. Tumnus's scarf

I am in geeky knitty heaven.:) Today I'm going to stuff myself with turkey, sweet pumpkin roll, and knit. Doesn't get any better than this!

CraftBorg

2006-11-22T09:17:00.000-05:00

I have been assimilated. Resistance is futile.

I Knit Therefore I Am...

2006-11-21T08:44:00.000-05:00

I am a novice knitter, but I think it's safe to say I have been seriously bitten by that affectious creature known as the Knitting Bug. It's bite is far more powerful than chiggers, but it's far more wonderful, too. And unless you are allergic to wool, there's no scratching involved.

I am still in the "knit one purl one" stage, where attempting anything more than a scarf scares the beejeebies out of me, and yet I managed to leave Michaels yesterday with the following in tow:

One skein of Lion Brand Wool yarn for felting in Ebony (I'm combining the Ebony and Pumpkin to make a striped scarf. I'm knitting in the round..eep!)
One set of Susan Bates aluminum DPNs size 3 (blech! I *so* wanted bamboo)
One skein of Lion Brand Baby Soft sportweight in Melon (my "let's practice socks" yarn)
"Knitting Rules" by the Yarn Harlot
"At Knit's End" by the Yarn Harlot (and I would have bought 'The Yarn Harlot" as well if they had had it.)

It may not sound like much, but it's more than what I had originally run in for. And I'm even planning a second run; I didn't get my chenille and fun fur for the Santa Scarf. I was going to work it in a different colorway, but I've decided I'm big enough of a geek to go with scarlet seasonal ho-ho scarf after all. Besides, scarlet is smashing, darling!

Anyway, last night I was reading Chapter 1 of "Knitting Rules" (this woman is a writer after my own heart) and according to La Harlot there are five kinds of knitters: the Missionary, the Sensei, the Scientist, the Organic, and the Pretender. She even provides a quiz so you can easily buttonhole stitch yourself into whichever area you belong. I found out I am very much the Organic knitter: I'm all about process. I'm about gauging and swatching and knitting and needles and yarny goodness. I am the Multi-Crafter, the one who sails between knitting and crocheting and cross-stitching (and, being an artist, may I including 'arting' in that list?) with careless abandon. Is the scarf going to be finished in time? Are these socks going to fit? Who cares! I'm knitting, by gum, and that's all that matters!

Yes, dear ones, that is me to a tea (or to a coffee), if you please. I'm also a bit of a Missionary already (no surprise there), where I want to ~~corrupt~~ convert everyone else to the charms of knitting. My ultimate desire is to be a Sensei, that Master of the Knitting Race that knows all and can knit all. I will never be a Pretender, because I do more than sit around talking about knitting; I actually do knit. And I just can't comprehend the Scientist, who approaches the craft with the analytical mind of a mathmatician. No indeed, I am the Organic, which, just like cotton, I breathe the knittiness of life.

And considering my bathroom is chock-full of organic body goodies and I tend to wear a lot of incens-y perfume oils and go barefoot to satisfy my latent hippie, being the Organic knitter suits me just fine. Just throw some wool my way and I'll knit it. I don't know what it will turn out to look like, but I'll knit it.

Peace, baby. See the pretty lights, feel the vibes.

I'm knitting! Woot woot!

2006-11-20T10:06:00.000-05:00

Yes, dear ones, grab your needles and run for cover, 'cause I'm knitting again!

My camera is not hooked up (of course, when is it ever?) so I cannot post the little beauty I whipped up over the weeked, but I can at least post a link:

Bi-Color Skinny Scarf

I love Lion Brand yarn, and their novelty yarns are a blast. They may not be the hoity-toity in the royal court of knittingdom, but they do have their place amongst lowly serfs like me.

At first I didn't think I would like stitching on size 17 needles, and I was right; I didn't. It felt like I was stitching with two logs. That said, I *loved* how fast that little scarf stitched up! It took me about four hours, and it probably would not have taken me that long had I not been such a novice. The Trellis yarn was a blast to work with, but much tricker than the Fun Fur. The only change I made (and those of you who know me, you know I *had* to change something!) was to go for sky blue instead of bright blue. I also made the scarf longer than the pattern called for. I'm in the process of making some hand mitts to go with it, and when I'm done I'll give the whole ensemble to my daughter. She's already claimed the scarf, which is so long it wraps around her neck twice and still nearly drags the ground. Bwahahaha.

Having actually finished something has emboldened me to press forth and finish more. Several projects include the Voodoo wrist warmers, Fur trimmed Scarf (minus the Santa colors), and eventually a pair of socks (urp). I made one modified wrist warmer last night, and although I messed it up royally it's still wearable and actually has a buttonhole...I said, a buttonhole, people!...that I worked on at 1 AM last night. I considered it my trial run.:)

All this said, I'm off to Michaels today to get more yarn for the armwarmers, scarf, and socks. Methinks I will be in knitty heaven.

I'm Back

2006-11-16T14:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's like this: I'm over 2006. Can't wait for 2007.

To be honest, this year has been filled with so much junk that I wasn't even sure I would blog again. I tend to get very personal in my blog, and frankly I was tired of bearing my soul. So, I stopped. And then some lovely people expressed to me how much they missed Fully Caffeinated and wanted it back.

So now it's back. But I don't know interesting it's going to be, because I don't know how much I'm willing to share. I've been burned a lot lately, and it's not stuff normal people would want to read.

And then again, maybe a good old fashioned wordy purging is just what I need to get up and going again.

Oh, well...either way, I'm back. Good to see you again.

Artful goodness

2006-07-28T08:46:00.000-05:00

Started yesterday and completed this morning:
'Petalwing'

You can view the details on my art journal. Seems I have something to blog about after all.:)

Well run dry

2006-07-27T07:02:00.000-05:00

When I first started journaling several years ago, I could always find something to say. I had a wealth of things to draw from, and I never got tired with writing. Now, however, it seems I've hit a dry pit of words and nothing seems to appeal.

I can only imagined how bored you, dear reader, must be with me lately. I've been living, to be sure, but much of that life has not made it onto this blog.

Sigh. I hope the dryness goes away soon, for I truly do enjoy blogging. It's just that lately I don't have a whole lot to say.

Changes

2006-07-19T07:10:00.000-05:00

Monday was Robert's birthday, and the day was nice and relaxing. For his gift, he wanted Battle for Middle-Earth II: The Collector's Edition and the graphics are out of this world! The music is gorgeous as well. Happy all around, tis us. It's awesome!

Speaking of awesome, God has really been speaking to us lately. Since Robert's illness, we've both had revelations on those things that are really important. There are some changing coming in our church, and before Robert got sick I don't know that we would have been prepared for them. God's timing being perfect, he has prepared our hearts and opened our spirits for these changes and we are in a position to help where we can. Our wonderful pastor, Pastor Steve Waldron, has been offered a full-time position with Indiana Bible College. While I am heartbroken to see him go (he was our first pastor and has been our pastor for the past 10 years) he is an amazingly smart man that has a lot to offer this college and the young men and women that attend. He is also a young man himself, being in his early fourties, and this is a great opportunity for him and Sister Waldron. Fortunately, there is a very experienced man available to step up to the plate, and that's none other than Brother Sameul Latta. Brother Latta is a legendary UPCI missionary who has also pastored many churches in his lifelong career and is an amazing man. Change is never easy, but with a lot of prayer and dedication both men have the opportunity to touch many lives with their love and the precious gospel of Jesus. Please pray for us during this time. Although we like to call it our church, the truth is that it's God's church and we just want to do His will.:)

Speaking of Brother Latta, I've had the great honor of participating in his first international broadcast. I'm on the praise team at my church, and we sing a small chorus at the very end of the broadcast. If you wish to hear it, click here (you will need to have Real Player installed). I'm the soprano and the alto and tenor are Jenna and Russ Spurgeon, our music ministers. My brother Bob is the MC of the program. I listened to it last night, and had church in my living room. Robert is Brother Latta's webmaster, so I get to hear these things firsthand. It's awesome!

Well, I'm off to get some coffee...oh wait, maybe not. We're out of coffee. Ack! Okay, perhaps I'll make do with hot chocolate...

When it rains...

2006-07-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

...it pours, but at least the plants get watered. Or so I said to a dear friend in an e-mail this morning.:)

Robert is doing better, but the verdict is in: gall bladder removal is in the forcast. He's schedueled for surgery Monday morning, and we are hoping this will help his pancreatitus go away. He's been in so much pain over the past week but today he seems to be doing a lot better. They have him on liquid foods, such as jello and broth (he's giving me the coffee, woohoo!). I'm tired but I'm becoming quite intimate with the lounge chair next to his bed. It's been my chaise for the past seven nights, and will continue to be so until he's out of the hospital. If it was more comfortable I'd say we were friends, but as it is we have an uneasy truce.

*Sigh*. I miss my bed but no more so than Robert. His back aches from the hospital bed and he's *so* ready to get home!

Thanks for your continued prayers and support. Needless to say, I'm ready for 2006 to be over.:)

Love Your Friends

2006-06-22T07:51:00.000-05:00

I hate it when friends are hurting, especially when they are extremely close.

There are about six women that I consider my soul-sisters. One is living somewhere abroad, one has been around for about a hundred years, one lives in another state, two live in the city, and one is gone forever. Out of these women, one is in tremendous pain and I feel so helpless to do anything for her. I'll pray for her, I'll let her cry on my shoulders, I'll even give her coffee mugs to smash...but she still hurts and I hurt for her.

Love your friends by being there for them, folks. Sometimes the best thing we can give them is the comfort of knowing they have someone they can completely trust and with whom they can be themselves, warts and all.

The Mother-Load

2006-06-21T07:25:00.000-05:00

Remember me talking about the Victoria's Secret sale yesterday? Well, I went, I saw, I bought! I hit the mother-load. And forget the bras and panties, I'm talking about the sweet smelly stuff!

My purchases:
2 bottles Enchanted Apple body sprays
2 bottles Enchanted Apple shower gel
1 bottle Enchanted Apple body lotion
1 tube Enchanted Apple hand/body cream
1 bottle Dream Angels Halo body lotion
1 bottle Dream Angels Halo angel mist spray
1 bottle Dream Angels Halo shower gel
1 bottle Dream Angels Divine body lotion
1 bottle Dream Angels Divine angel mist spray
1 bottle Dream Angels Divine shower gel
1 purse size mini of Dream Angels Heavenly perfume
1 black bear plushie for Jessi
Birthday prezzies for Mom (not saying what it is in case Mom is reading today! *grin*)

Wow!! Sounds like a bunch, doesn't it? Well, that's the beauty of a sale. I got all of these at half off, sometimes even more for all of the Dream Angel products I purchased in sets, which made them much cheaper than buying them in individual bottles. Dream Angels Heavenly is my favorite, but I already have the set and was getting low on the perfume, hence the mini-bottle purchase. Halo is my second favorite of the series, but sometimes I'm just in the mood for Divine. As far as the Enchanted Apple goes, it's my favorite garden scent (next to Amber Romance) and VS only sells it twice a year, once in January and once on June. I figured if I stocked up on it then maybe it would last me until January.

Needless to say, last night after my bath I smelled *so* good! It was heavenly.:)

Yesterday I stitched a little on Fantasy Triptych and Mini-Mandala 2. I didn't get much finished on either, for I've been so tired the past couple of nights I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm also not feeling so hot today, so maybe I'm coming down with something.

I also woke up this morning feeling a bit nostaligic. I remember when there was pretty much just the TW board. Dana then created the Chatelaine board and I created the Mirabilia board so we could have places that celebrated those designers, but the TW board was still homeplate for so many of us. There were other board off-shoots that cropped up here and there, and there were general board dedicated to things other than stitching, and while it was nice to have new playgrounds to venture into, the TW board was home center. When it became an exclusive stitching board, things kind of splintered. Even more boards were created: some dedicated to just chat, others to both chat and needlework. While I completely support TW's decision, I am kind of sad that we have "lost" so many stitchers along the way. However, I admit I miss having one place where we can all be found. Each board has it's own personality and it's regulars, and while I appreciate the diversity it can take up a good part of the day just browsing the boards in order to see all your different friends! The ones I mainly visit are the ones in my sidebar, and while I do not always post I do lurk just to get a sense of what's going on. But still...I miss the Mother-Ship we once had and the umbrella of which we all met under. Don't get me wrong, I'm still enjoying myself and the wonderful boards, but there are times when I just miss the "old days".:)

I also did not realize how long some of us have been around. It shocked me the other day when someone did not know what LTDLTKDc was, but then I thought to myself, "Wait a minute, that was years ago!" It seems like yesterday. And in regard to that thread, I wish I had saved it, for I had some pretty cool 'reasons' for starting the thread, but the only one I can remember is "some of my WIPs are starting to roam the neighborhood". I can't remember the others, but if anyone does, feel free to let me know what they were!:)

Okay, I need to check my e-mail now...I've been getting much better at it, checking it every couple of days rather than every couple of weeks! One step at a time, yes?

Mall Shopping

2006-06-20T07:07:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm so not into Harry Potter, but all I can say is what *fabulous* scarves! I started knitting my Cheshire Cat scarf based loosley on an HP pattern a scarf a long time ago, but I did not like the feel of Red Heart Super Saver yarn in my knitting needles. I do, however, *love* Lion Heart's Wool-Ease, and I'm hoping to get some fresh yarn and start over. Unfortunately, Michaels carries a very limited supply of Wool-Ease, so I may have to order the colors online.

Today I'm jetting to the mall to return some things and to stop by Victoria's Secret for their bi-annual sale. For whatever reason, they chose to discontinue Enchanted Apple and only sell it twice a year. There are some other fragrances that crop up during this time, but the apple is the one I'm most interested in. We are leaving here at 9:45 AM sharp, for I plan to be at the mall no later than 10:15. I loooove fresh apple scents in fragrances, and I think VS has one of the best.

Short, boring blogpost this morning, I know, but everything I want to talk about will take too much time and I'm in a bit of a crunch. I'll update later when I have time.

Ultimate Compliments

2006-06-19T06:57:00.000-05:00

I talked to my Mom last night about the massive stash haul I have planned, and she was all for it. She was teasing me, saying, "You never know, I may end up stitching some of it!" I told her to have a party, she was welcomed to it! She is becoming quite a proficient stitcher. She's completed several projects, and most recently TW's "Above the Clouds". She's almost finished with the little castle petite and it's looking awesome. Although I love castles, I've never really considered that one until now. I didn't realize it was so lovely, but I'm learning chart photos just do not give justice to a design, no matter who the designer may be.

As we were talking, she told me about a new project she was getting ready to kit up. She said she had already ordered and recieved the chart, and it was a lovely chart at that, and it's name was the Two Loves of Arthur. It took me a minute and then realization sank in. "What?? Are you serious??" I half shouted into the phone. She laughed and said she ordered it from the HAED sale. I am tickled pink! She and Ginny were discussing this pattern at the GTG a week ago (Ginny plans on stitching this design as well) and I was teasing them saying they should have a SAL. And now Mom truly has the pattern! To me, this is the ultimate compliment, to have my mother stitch one of my artworks. And she's planning to stitch it on 14 ct Aida, so you can imagine how big it's going to be (try 28" x 36" finished design). Zoinks, Scoob! We are going to the Macon LNS sometime next week to get Anita to cut a piece of fabric for the project. Dad says once it's finished they are going to frame it and put it over the fireplace. To me that's a place of honor, and I'm so pleased.:)

I tell you, it's really nice having a stitching buddys in the family. As some of you may know my sis-in-law Rhonda stitches (one of her most recent completions was the behemoth Peacock Tapestry), but she manages a high-finance firm and her weekends are pretty tight. She was able to make one GTG, but she has not been able to make any others. Mom's been able to make two GTGs, and it's my goal to have all three of us attend the next one. It will be a blast. We want to hold one ourselves in the fall, and I can't wait.

Speaking of GTGs, only two more months until CATS! Woo hoo! I've let Jo know, and I'll be sending some designs for her later today, so there will indeed be some new Dinky-Dyes releases at Nashville. And yes, there will be more kitties, but I'm not going to tell you which ones! LOL Val and I will leave as soon as we can the Friday morning so we can milk it for all it's worth. It's my first CATS ever, and I know I'm going to be like a kid in a candy store. I'm planning on dividing my time between the DD booth, the stitching lounge, and the shopping alley. I'm going to start squirling away my pennies, for I know there will be stash coming home with me.:)

In non-stitching news, I have a lot planned today but little motivation to do it. I have to get some general cleaning done and start on the black hole known as my closet. I did manage to get some art cropped and copyrighted for the web site, so hopefully Robert can update it over the next few days. I will be adding new links to my links section. One of them belonging to the wonderful Teresa, whom I cannot thank enough for the lovely mention in her blog. Over 25% of my web traffic has come from her blog alone. Thank you, T! To say I'm thrilled and honored is an understatement. For have the Queen acknowledging the jester is one of the best feelings in the world.

So...Mom's stitching something I've drawn, I'm going to CATS with my soul-sister, and TW actually digs my work. Does it get any better than this?

Stash Thoughts

2006-06-18T15:21:00.000-05:00

Let me just begin by saying Happy Father's Day! to my beloved husband, my wonderful father, and my loving father-in-law: you all mean so much to me and continue to bless me in many ways. And may all fathers be blessed on this wonderful day!

{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Now...I'm having a thought here, Barbosa.

I finally figured out that part of the problem regarding my lack of self-discipline in stitching is the fact that I have too much accesible stash. I have charts, kits, fabric, at least three (more like four) sets of DMC, one set of Anchor with extras, specialty threads galore, scroll frames, lap stands, q-snaps, and enough bobbin boxes to open my own store. It's just ridiculous, considering how little room we have. Right now most of my stash is overflowing in my clothes closet, with other parts camping out in the drawers of my Oriental secretary's desk (that's an actual type of desk, and not to say that I have Asian office staff at my beck and call, or the fact that I would even entertain the thought of stuffing stash in their undergarments. Simply ew. But I digress).
I do not want to part with any of it, but having it around makes it all too easy to start a new project when the whim strikes. I'm really tired of living in the Land of the Perpetual WIP, and I've decided it's time to take action.

So: I'm going to box up the whole kit and caboodle and send it south to live with my Mom in the cozy, comforting glow of her huge upstairs spare bedroom, where it will rest nicely and neatly against a wall until I either get a bigger place to keep it in or get my WIP-fetish under control.

Here is what I will be keeping at the homestead:
WIPs:
TWs: Mermaid, Fantasy Triptych, Princess and Dragon (sans dragon), Milennium (thanks, Pat!), and Lady of Shalott.
Miras: The Kiss, Deepest Love, Christmas Flourishes (I've decided this is my all-time favorite Mira).
Dracolair: Gaelic Banner, Jeweled Celtic Cross.
HAED: Magic Moonlight.
Lavender & Lace: Celtic Arwen, Celtic Autumn.
General stash:
One set of DMC (in skein form)
Kreiniks
Beads
A few pieces of fabric (for emergency stashing.:))
My set of Dinky-Dyes (gotta keep designing!)

As far as charts go, I will probably keep around my TWs and Miras, just so they don't get crumpled in the boxes. I will also keep some smaller designs on hand, such as some of the Dragon Dreams castles and the Camelot Designs castles. These projects tend to be much smaller in scale to some of the ones I'm currently working on, and will make for nice relief stitching when I need a break from BAP-itis. Right now I'm determind to go through a massive WIP-killing spree, and considering the size of them it may well take me into the next two years to do it. However, with my massive stash out of the way I'll be much less inclined to kit up whenever I want.

Of course, I haven't actually put this insane idea into practice, and I just may forget it once I'm fumbling through all that luscious stash. All I know is that I'll be much happier having space in my closet to walk and projects that might actually get finished.

The good thing is that I can visit my stash any time I want when I'm jonesing, and that is a small comfort indeed.

Well, I thought I found them all...

2006-06-16T07:31:00.000-05:00

...but it seems I found a couple of more WIPs lurking deep within the recesses of my closet.

A looooooong time ago (so long ago that she's now nearly finished) Glenda and I were stitching Gaelic Banner together, albiet loosely. I would tease her, telling her that she would finish hers waaaaaaay before me, and I would be lucky to finish mine by the time I was a grandmother. Ha! Ha! we both laughed. Harumph. Seems I wasn't kidding, as she's practically finished and I have yet to even start a splash of green. To make matters even more obscene, I've even raped my GB floss box to provide colors for other projects, so right now I have nothing left but the sad remains of what was once a proud, strong project.

How sad.

So, I was going to restore it to its past glory, until I found yet *another* WIP that lay calling from the ashes of UFO-dom; TW's Princess and Dragon. I had forumlated a way to shrink the piece to include only the princess and the castle (sorry, draggie!), and had already started the border. This all sounds very nice, except I didn't keep very good notes and now I'm puzzled to death on how I was going to do it! I've been tinkering with it since last night, and stitching on said border (and if I can't figure out the center configurations, at least I'll have a smashing border) and I think I *may* have a way to bring princess and castle together in a way that looks like something other than ick. We'll see.

I'm rather behind on Stitching Blogger's Questions, so I thought I answer another one until I catch up:

Do you collect charts by one particular designer, yet have never stitched anything by that designer? If so, which designer and why do you collect the charts but have not yet stitched any of them?

Hmm, good question. I collect charts from a lot of designers, but the question is not have I stitched any of them but have I finished any of them!
The designers I collect extensively are as follows:
Teresa Wentzler (Queen of Blends!)
Mirabilia (my all-time favorite)
Lavender & Lace (one cannot have too many Celtic maidens)
Chatelaine (I would have them all but I don't want to be broke)
Camelot Designs (the best castles in the business)
Dragon Dreams (love the castles!)
Dracolair (the non-draggie ones)
Long Dog Samplers (some of the best samplers in the business)
Victoria Sampler (just gorgeous!)
Heaven and Earth Designs (like chocolate, you can't have just one!)

Now: I have started at least two projects from all of these designers. How many finished? Three. Yep, that's it, just three! One Mira and two TW freebies. I'm almost finished with Dracolair's Celtic Cross, but since it was kitted up with Gaelic Banner the flossies are probably lurking in a Mira box somewhere (see above blogpost). I'm hoping to have two TWs, one Mira, and possibly a L&L under my belt for this year, but that may be a little ambitious. I've got to stop this insanity called rotating and stick with one project until I'm done, because I find when I rotate I lose all discipline, or at least when I rotate more than three projects. My goal this year is to not only cater to the stashoholic in me by collecting some of my favorites, but to also buckle down and actually stitch some of them. Now, that's a novel thought, isn't it?

Oh, one more thing: Singular Stitches asked a while back for a visual of our working space, and I've enjoyed looking at others so much that I thought I would post mine:

This is the left hand corner of the couch. I've tried stitching in other places, but this place feels the most comfortable.:)

Hey Kids

2006-06-15T11:26:00.000-05:00

Long time no see.

I'm back from a very extended vacation, one I needed quite badly. I had so many internet-related things going on that everything was beginning to seem like a chore, especially my blog. Not to mention the past few entries were so raw and so personal that I felt like I split my soul open for everyone to see. While it was dearly needed, it also left me numb and vunerable. I took some time out to reflect, recharge, and emerge renewed.

One of the things I've decided is to use this blog the way it was originally intended, and that's primarily as a stitching blog. (Since I don't have a place to store my WIPs yet (my stitching section on my web site was accidentally deleted when we updated my art stuff), so I will be setting up a Webshots album as soon as I can). My deepest apologies for those dear readers who want to read about the 'dirt' of my daily life, but I just don't want to write about it anymore. Things are going quite nicely, and I want it to stay that way in both real life and the written word. Fear not, however...I won't leave you in the dark of what's happening around here, it will just be condensed versions instead of long drawn out soliliquies. I hope everyone understands. It's either this or close 'Fully Caffeinated' down indefinintely, which is what I do not want to do. As many a blogger knows, our blogs can be great sense of comfort to us when we need them and I'm not ready to let go of it, not yet.

The stitching GTG on Saturday helped me realize how much I missed stitching. My stitching time has been limited lately due to some crunching art deadlines (those of you who follow my art journal know what I've been up to), and I'm anxious to get back to needle and thread. I've been working on Fantasy Triptych every night for the past few days, and when I get to the 20 hour mark I'll post a WIP.

One of the things I've been doing is taking inventory of my current works-in-progress. The list is as follows:

Fantasy Triptych
Mermaid
Lady of Shalott
The Kiss
Deepest Love
HAED's Magic Moonlight (which I've renamed Firefly Fairies because they look like little fireflies. So cute!:))
Celtic Arwen (a conversion of Celtic Christmas)

Now...at heart I truly am a LTDLTKDchicker, and it's going to be hard to continue being that with all these lovelies vieing for my attention. However, I believe if I stick with one TW, one Mira, one HAED, and one misc I'll be alright. As it stands, I may rotate Fantasy Triptych and Celtic Arwen. The other two that I may work in are Deepest Love and my HAED, but I'm pretty happy chugging away on the TW at the moment. I'm doing a fall conversion, and while things are looking nice at the moment I have no earthly idea how it's going to turn out. I'm going for an 'autumn-Rivendell' feel, but we'll see. I'm using 32 ct Amsterdam Blue lugana fabric and I plan on adding stars in the sky to give it the feel of night. The maiden panel will be a conversion of Arwen riding Asfaloth. I'll have to de-uni him, and I'll be adding pearl blending filament to his mane and tail. I was planning on putting Arwen in red, but I think I'm going to put her in silvery-blues to contrast with the bold autumn colors of the trees and leaves. If it comes out as planned, it will be stunning beyond all belife (well, at least for us autumn freaks). And if it doesn't, then it will be the biggest mess since the ick my cat yakked up on the bathroom carpet yesterday morning. Either way, I'll roll with the punches and take my chances.:)

Coffee, stitching, chocolate, and friends...it sure feels good to be back.:)

Now for the SBQ of the week:

How many cross stitch books do you own and how often do you use them?

This is so cool, because although I have several stitching books I've never stitching one thing out of them until now: I'm planning on starting TW's Unicorn from The Best Of book once I get the working copies made! I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to start anything new, but I'm a woman and I reserve the right to change my mind.:)

Fresh Air

2006-04-25T08:05:00.000-05:00

After a bit of a much needed hiatus, I am feeling refreshed. I have refocused my priorities, and really thought about the things that are important. Easter Sunday was a huge turning point for me, mainly because I stopped to think about the cross and resurrection and what really took place during that time. The Bible tells me that through Jesus I can do all things, and I am finding out that nothing could be truer. One of the songs we sang is called "Because He Lives", and if you know the song then you know how sweet is that simple truth. Because He live, I truly can face tomorrow.

Things have been settling back into swing for me. It seems David has been diagnosed with good old fashioned Seperation Anxiety regarding his behavior at the beginning of school. He never went through it as an infant, but it would seem he's a late bloomer. After talking to his teacher, it seems he's not the only child his age who has gone through this, and in truth I think it's harder on me than on him. Once I'm gone, he seems to settle down into the routine of the day. Today he got very upset when I left, but I didn't hear any screaming or kicking and by the time I got down the hall it sounded like he had settled down. Can I tell you what relief I felt? So my little boy is 'normal' after all! (Whatever 'normal' is for kids, know what I mean? I'm learning they are all so different!}.

Once again, I want to thank everyone who reached out to me during the past couple of weeks. It's been a time of great reflection, and also one of healing. I still can't believe Laura is gone (I don't think I will ever get used to it) but I realize that she is and that's just the way it is. With great resolve I removed her blog link from my sidebar. Her blog is no longer in existence, and through my sadness I understand that life goes on. I will always miss her.

On other notes, I've been stitching more and trying to get more artwork under my belt. I've even started exercising and eating properly again, and I'm already feeling better. Once I get my days planned out I'll pop back to Rivendell to record my progress and possibly get another shield. Yay!

I have a pretty heavy load this afternoon: a trip to the bank, lunch for the kids, three loads of laundry, two book covers to scan in, pictures to upload from CDs, my own art web site to trim down before production, a desk to organize, a checkbook to balance, dinner to make, a bubble bath, and *then* I can relax. Whew! I'm tired already.

But it feels good. Living feels very, very good.

Reflection

2006-04-14T07:16:00.000-05:00

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who took the time to write me and leave comments. I never expected the wealth of support that came flooding at me, and to be honest it has left me a little shaken. Once again, I think of Laura and the support she had, and I think I've finally realized that in the end it did not matter. She had her own pain to deal with and in the end she just could not handle it, regardless of how everyone else felt about her.

I am feeling a lot better today. I'm starting to put things in perspective. How can one person go from such a dark, depressive moment to one of near-perfect clarity in a day or two? Well, I've done a lot of thinking. I've done a lot of reflecting. I've also allowed myself the grace to feel angry and upset, and I've stopped making excuses for myself. There is liberation in truth, and a freedom that surpasses nothing. Once we realize things about ourselves that are not pleasant, the knee-jerk reaction is going to be sorrow and self-pity (as was mine over my procrastination and my anger towards Laura's suicide). Once I wrote about that, it seemed like a burden had been lifted from me. It seems this journal really is more to me than just a 'fun' place to write, but it's actually helping me put a lot of things in perspective.

There are a couple of things in the comments that I want to address. Someone asked if I was a single parent, because I kept using the term "my children" instead of "our children". I do indeed have a husband, and I don't think I could make some days without Robert. He has been a rock in my life, and he is a wonderful father. I love him dearly. The truth of it, however, is that when he is at work and there is a struggle, the children are indeed 'mine' and not 'ours'. Think of it, moms: you are having an especially hard day with your kids, and how many times do you stop to reflect on "our" kids? Nope, at that moment they are all yours, because Dad is not there to help deal with a tough situation; you have to deal with it yourself at that moment. That's just the way it is, and when David and I have a go-around, it can be extrememly draining. When Robert gets home we immediately share the burden, but during the day it's my responsibility. And yes: sometimes I do feel like I'm way in over my head. I can honestly say parenting is the hardest job on the planet.

When I spoke of my son being 'brilliant', I meant it. He has one of the sharpest minds I've ever encountered. His father was tested when he was in kindergarten, and he tested as a genius (which stands true to this day; and both of them are too smart for their own good sometimes!). When David started K-4 he already knew everything the other children were just learning, and he would get extrememly bored and distracted (the same holds for his class today). There was talk of moving him to K-5 and possibly 1st grade, but his motor skills and maturity level just would not allow that. He is amazingly creative, and very hyper-active. Some of you may not know this, but nearly two years ago he went on an 'adventure'; he decided early one morning to climb the fence in our backyard and play with some of the toys in the neighbor's yard. It was dark, and he went for a walk and got lost. He was gone for two days. I can't tell you what my husband and I went through during that time (we were suspected by the police of harming David, but considering the freaks out there that do harm their kids I guess that was normal), but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was the only One who sustained us. I'm convinced He sent an angel to guide my son to the open rental house he was found in, for it provided food and shelter. Well, I believe some of that trauma still haunts David, for lately he's been extremely clingy at school and causing major disruptions when I try and leave. And honestly? Sometimes he's just throwing a fit because he's not getting his way. The struggle comes to me from trying to decipher the difference, and I can't even describe how weary it makes me. He's been doing this for over a week, and each morning has literally been a bombshell. I wrote my last post after having that kind of morning, and I always second-guess myself. His sister is 3, and Jessi is a completely different temperment than her brother. She's more like me: mostly laid back with a propensity to be dramatic and emotional. David is like his father: brilliant (in every way), imaginative, moody and emotional. Well, since both the children get 'emotional' from us, you can imagine at times there is an awful lot of "emotions" that fly around this place!:)

Sometimes things are just hard. God never promises in His word that life will be easy for the Christian; oh, no, on the contrary. The devil is going to fight you with everything he has, and the Bible tells us that in the last days he will literally wear out the saints. Well, I'm feeling pretty weary. I always try to be the source of comfort to others, and I try to be so positive on the boards. I don't want to spread negitivity and bring others down, so I try to keep my problems to myself. But I realize that there is comfort in sharing, for others have been there. I wish Laura could have grasped that. She hurt so badly and so deeply that she probably thought there was no one in the world who could understand her lonliness, her emptiness, althought all of us have been there at one time or another. I know I've felt that ache more than once, and I've held on to God with everything I've had. I honestly don't know how people make it without Him in their lives, for there are times when He has to literally carry me for I just can't walk anymore.

I will write more later, but right now I need some coffee. There is so much I want to say, and so many of you I want to thank, just for being here for me and offering a "I know where you're coming from". I appreciate all of you so much.

Darkness

2006-04-12T08:08:00.000-05:00

Before I begin, I want you to know this post will talk about things that might make you uncomfortable. I am going to talk about things I do not usually talk about, and say things you may not want to hear. In a nutshell: I can't help it. It's a rather dark post, for it's been that kind of morning.

Please don't think bad of me for bearing my soul on some things that have been on my mind. I need to express them. Why I feel I need to do it in a public venue, I don't know; maybe it's the "urge to confess" that brings cleasing, or maybe it's just because I'm an exibitionist by nature. I don't know, but I don't really care the reason, only the fact that I'm going to speak what's on my heart and pray that people understand.

I fail at so many things it's pathetic. I'm a failure. However, the mere fact that I fail does not make me a failure, but the fact that I do not take control over those things that caused me to fail in the first place does. I'm a procrastinator; not the cutesy, arrives-fashionably-late procrastinator, but a hardcore, this -is-a-disease kind of one. It's debilitating, to the point where I have anxiety attacks when I try to get off my butt and get something that I've let go done. I don't understand it, I don't know why I'm this way, but I'm fighting it with everything that I have. I'm desperately trying to pray through, but I'm wondering if this isn't my cross to bear, the thing that keeps me fighting and working and humble. I just don't know, but I hate it and, in many ways, it causes me to hate myself.

For example: I promised Jo I would send her some designs back in January. She wanted them for Nashville, which I assumed was the Nashville CATS (it was actually Market, which was in Feb. but I thought that was in Charlotte. DUH!!). Well, time got away from me, I forgot, I was distracted, insert whatever excuse you want, but Market came and went and when I realized it was for Market and not the August CATS she was refering to I just about died of embarrasment. I feel like such a flaming, stupid idiot. I just can't stress that enough. But, if I had finished the designs on the timetable I had set for myself and given them to her, all of this would have been a moot point for she would have had them for Marked and CATS Nashville. My procrastination has caused me embarrasment and failure once again. And this is just a small example! Then there is some gridding I said I would do for someone over a year ago (forgot about it, just found it, and kept meaning to return it but for some stupid, unexplainable reason I kept putting it off), and a bookmark I own someone that is two months late...dear God, what is WRONG WITH ME??????? Why do I continue to do these things, when I know it's causing myself pain? Sometimes I get on top of things and I feel great, and other times I let myself go and I become the very cause of my own stress.

The truth is, I can't depend on myself. And that is a miserable thing to live with.

I know my procrastination is the source of my depression, or a good part of it. They go hand in hand. The only good thing is that I recognize this now and I can get God's help, if He'll help me. The Bible says He will, but there are times when I think I've screwed things up so bad that I'm beyond help.

And I stink as a parent. It's true, I'm totally clueless. My son has some major issues going on, and I lose my patience so much. He's brilliant, smart, but strong willed and headstrong. He's also an emotional basketcase sometimes (gets that from his mom) and I just feel so clueless on how to deal with it. I get so tired of feeling like I'm floundering. Again, I feel like I'm failing him and his sister. Nearly every day I think, "Okay, how am I going to screw my kids up today? What decision am I going to make that will scar them for life"? It's awful. People have told me this is the nature of parenting, but I can't continue to just leave things to chance. These are my children, and they deserve better from a mother than just "chance". The truth is, I have no clue what I'm doing. I can't even enjoy my children because I'm too wrapped up in failing them.

God, please help me.

And I'm angry. I'm angry at Laura for copping out. And yes, that's what she did. I know she was hurting; she told me so. I've been sitting on this for so long; I know people who didn't know the story eventually figured out it was suicide, but out of respect for Neil I chose not to use 'the' word until he used it himself in his blog. It's out, it's open, it's the hardcore truth surrouding her death. I know how debilitating depression is; I suffer from it nearly every day. I *know* what it's like to feel worthless and struggle with feeling like a failure; read above post. But what the heck kind of legacy does suicide leave for your loved ones, anyway? It about broke my heart when I read how devestated her mom was after she had read Laura's blog. Laura rarely, if ever, painted her mom in a favorable light, and now that's all her mother has of her daughter. What an awful thing to live with. And Neil? Sure, he's coping, but what the heck else is he supposed to do? Laura chose to leave him, not the other way around. Of course he's going to move on. It's all so SENSELESS. It's just a waste of a beautiful life that she just threw away because she couldn't deal with things. I was her friend, and I'll never, ever hear from her again. I'll never be able to see her name, or see her posts. I nearly had a heartattack the other day, because I saw a username on the Mirabilia board that I could have sworn was hers. When I did a double-take, I saw it obviously wasn't hers, and I found myself bitterly resenting her for choosing to remove herself from her loved ones forever. And yet, I would have forgiven everything just to have her back and saying it was all a very bad joke and that she really is okay.

*Why*?? Just why? I get so tired of hearing how "they're at peace now". Well, what about the loved ones who are left behind, what kind of peace do they have? Suicide is not a victimless action, far from it; it's the family and friends who have to cope and deal, and try to have all the questions answered, when there are no answers. It is the ulitmate in selfish acts, and it devestates those left behind.

I miss her so much. I didn't even live in the same country as she, and yet I feel like I've lost someone who lived next door. It just hurts. I can't even imagine what her parents are going through.

Right before Laura disappeared from the internet, I has resigned admining the Mirabilia board. There were too many things going on in my life, and I just couldn't deal with any outside responsibilities. I left things to her and Angi and I pretty much withdrew. Several months flew by, and things had stabilized enough that I decided to come back the following spring. Angi had told me Laura had just kind of vanished not long after I left, and had even blacked out her blog. Since I wasn't keeping up with blogs at the time, I had no idea. There was a thread on the Mira board asking about her, and one of her friends (I don't remember who it was) said she was okay and just taking a break. Well, stupid me, but I took that at face value and thought she was doing what I had done and was chilling out. Sometimes people just need space and they take it. Well, time went by, everyone was groovy, and I appointed Dana as another admin, for I figured Laura would come back when she wanted. My biggest mistake, and biggest regret, is that I assumed everything was alright. I did not e-mail her, for I thought it would be bugging her. I was trying to respect her space, but as it turned out I was only driving her further away from me.

Finally, she started posting in her blog again and posted once or twice on the Mira board. I was so happy!! I sent her a happy e-mail, and left her a comment on her blog cheering her return, and that's when I noticed it: she had deleted my blog link. I instantly knew something was not right, for I was one of the first people she had listed on her blog, and was also one of the reasons she started blogging in the first place (or so she told me). I knew if she deleted my blog then it was a deliberate move on her behalf. I wrote her and asked her about it, because I wanted to know if I had done anything wrong. She wrote me back, and told me that all the time she had been gone she had gotten e-mails of concern from everyone except one of the people she had considered one of her best friends, and that was me. She said she was so hurt and felt so destroyed that I had not written her. I was stunned, and promptly apologized and explained myself, and through a long series of e-mails we sorted things out. Things were still a little tepid, but they were getting back to where they had been. She told me that she knew she no longer felt any grudge against me, for now when she thought about me she only felt love. I don't remember how long this was before she died, but I wish none of it had ever happened. What's so ironic about all of this is that during that time she was gone I thought many times about jetting her an e-mail, but then thought I might be imposing on her if she truly wanted time away from the 'net. And then other times I thought about it I put it off, and procrastinated. And then other times I simply couldn't be bothered.

Laura thought of me as one of her best friends, and in her eyes I couldn't even be bothered to see if she was okay. True or not, that was how she felt. It helped drive her into a feeling of insecurity and low self-worth, and I have no doubt in my mind that if I had taken the time and sent one little e-mail, despite all of my reasoning and feelings, then she might still be here today. It might have shown her how I did care about her, how we all cared about her, and how bitterly I miss her. I believe I could have helped reach through that debilitating depression of hers. For whatever reason, Laura trusted me. Maybe she would have trusted me when I told her how special I thought she was and how much I admired her. But no, I never did, not in those words. And I should have. It might have helped.

And now I'll never know. The chance is gone, the opportunity is over, all because she decided she'd had enough. She robbed herself the chance to feel special. She robbed herself the chance to get well. And she robbed herself the chance to see how everyone truly loved her.

I told her I loved her, but I guess I didn't tell her enough. And now I'll never be able to tell her that again.

So...I guess all this is my legacy at the moment. A depressed, procratinating failure who possibly, inadvertantly helped drive a dear friend to suicide. That is not a mantle I would wish for anyone, and yet it is the burden I carry upon my shoulders at this moment. I will get through this, and I have no doubt I will come through the other side with a smile on my face and a fresh perspective, but in the meantime God has a lot of work to do in my heart to help me see things any different.

Gone Surfin'

2006-04-04T11:53:00.000-05:00

I'm around, just doing my thing. There are some things I'm thinking about but don't really want to share them. Well, that's not exactly true...I *do* want to share them, but I'm not ready. It has to do with Laura and everything that has happened, and I guess by posting this it is my way of coming a bit out of my shell. Oh well...

I was sick all last week, hence no update in my fitness blog. I did not even weigh on Saturday, because I didn't want to know how much I gained from not eating right, water weight or not. I'm back on track this week, so I'll head over to the Rivendell board once I've weighed to post my progress (or lack of, but at least with my working out and eating right there will be no excuse). I really want to get to 40 miles so I can get another sheild!

I've been playing on LiveJournal, where I've set up a place to keep all my art works-in-progress and do nothing but gab about my artwork and progress as an artist. Sometimes I don't know if I'm a stitcher, and artist, or a designer or all three. It's kind of strange to float in and out of the different communities, taking one hat off and putting on another. Perhaps this is something a lot of people deal with, and maybe it's not something that should be dealt with at all but just excepted. Hmm, makes sense I suppose.

Here's my link if any one wants to check it out:
Stacey Tippin livejournal

Speaking of art, I ordered four Amy Brown prints the other day and they are winging their way to me as I type. I can't wait! They are all retired prints, so once they are gone they are gone, with the exception of ebay, of course. Gotta love ebay.

Sigh

2006-03-29T09:39:00.000-05:00

*Sigh*. What a beaner of a couple of days.

Yesterday I woke up with laryngitis, aches, and pains, which has spilled over to today except I can talk. I had to take down my Johari window, for someone or someones decided it would be really funny to add all kinds of insulting names in there for all the world to see. That's okay; I'll just pray for them. That always seems to make people mad who want to see you rant and hollar and scream, when you just smile and say "I'll pray for you". *grin* Although, it did hurt me very deeply at first, but some lovely ladies helped me see the troll/trolls were not worth the wasted energy.

And then I check my e-mail today (for the first time in I don't know how long) and I find this e-mail from DELILAHJEA@aol.com written to me on March 17th:

Are you a man? You look creepy in your picture.

Uh-huh. Of course, no name was given of the sender, just an anon letter. The subject title was "Mirabilia", so I have no idea what's up with that. Of course, if I was a man, I'd be offended because it said I looked creepy. And, not being a man, I should be offended because this person obviously thinks I look like a man, and creepy to boot. I'm not really offended, because the person has either seen a picture of Haldir as my avatar and apparently has no clue regarding LOTR, or the person has seen my avatar of the cartoon version of me, in which he or she needs glasses because anyone who has seen that pic can tell most certainly that it does not look like a man.

*Sigh*. This is what it's been like the past couple of days. I think I'll go back to bed.

Oh, wait...I'm drawing again. Here's a couple of sketches to keep you entertained. Hopefully I'll work on coloring them soon, but I've got some stitching to do so we'll see.

Fert Fae

No More Chocolate

Sick

2006-03-27T14:17:00.000-05:00

I've been sick all weekend with The Crud of All Cruds, and today is not much better. I did manage to get one mile walked on my trek to Rivendell, but I'm not sure it didn't do me more harm than good.

It's Spring, and it's cold outside. What is up with that?????

I've taken a further step back into that land of stitching and decided to get involved with my HAED's again. I've missed the HAED board tremendously, but I needed the past few weeks alone with my Miras. It sounds all crazy and weird, but it's my way of coping with Laura's death. I'm still not completely at terms with it, but I'm as much at terms with it as I'll ever be. Maybe later I'll talk more about it, but right now that's all I want to say.

Sorry I've been so boring lately. Just remember: God is good even if life sometimes is not.

See you tomorrow.

Bug Haiku

2006-03-22T10:41:00.000-05:00

Gross roach crawls on porch
Smack! goes the large rubber shoe
Gross roach crawls no more

Welcome to Spring.

SWEAT

2006-03-17T09:29:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here after walking two miles with La Leslie, and I am one big red, heaving, sweaty, blobby mess. I can't believe I'm actually contemplating a quick break before walking one more mile to make a grand total of three. Am I insane? Harumph, what kind of question is that? I want to walk another mile, of course I'm insane.

Well, I'm hoping my tenacity will pay off this week with another pound zapped, but we'll have to wait and see. Tomorrow is my weigh day, and the day I'll be reporting my progress on Fat Attitude and the Walk to Rivendell board (links are in the sidebar, I'm just too blasted lazy to add them here, or perhaps it's the fact that my fingers are so sweaty they keep sliding over the keys. Whatever, either way you are all big boys and girls and know how to look for links in the sidebar, so I'll leave you to it! Either way, I digress).

Sigh. Zarquon frood!

Further update on the scent chronicles: I managed to aquire a little bottle of Victoria's Secret's Breathless, and all I can say is blech. The initial burst of scent is *wonderful*, but the drydown ends up smelling like wet gym socks on me. Dirty wet gym socks. Gym socks I've just walked two miles in. I so desperately wanted to like this scent for I love the first whiff, but ew. So I'm returning it for Pink, a more sparkly fruity scent. Pink combined with Vanilla Lace lotion may make me smell a bit like a custard fruit salad, but that is a whole lot better than smelling like nasty gym socks. Besides, I love vanilla and I'm in the mood for soft today.

Anyway, look for updates tomorrow. I'll either be laughing or crying in regards to weigh-loss, but either way I'll be enjoying my free day.

Toodles!

Za mood: go team!

Scents!

2006-03-15T16:30:00.000-05:00

Anyone who has been around me for five seconds knows my obsession for perfumes. Body sprays, eau de toilettes, parfum, scented oils, whatever: I'm hooked. Yesterday, however, I shocked the perfume world by trashing all but a few products in my toiletries stash. Names like Christian Dior, Ralph Lauren, and Thierry Mugler went flying around the room in reckless abandon as I shifted bottles and made my decisions.

The ones that I am now wearing are as follows:

Victoria's Secret Amber Romance.
I have the body gel, body lotion, body cream, body scrub, body spray, and eau de toilette. This warm, creamy, amber-vanilla scent brings me comfort whenever I need it and it's great for fall and winter.

Victoria's Secret Endless Love.
Finally, my quest to find products that smell like Herbal Essence has ended! I have the body lotion, eau de toilette, body scrub, and shower gel. It's light, lovely, and perfect for spring.

V'TAE's Lemon Rose.
I have three bottles of the aromatherapy lotion and three bottles of the perfume, and it has one of my favorite signature scents for summer. It smells exactly like freshly-squeezed lemons and soft roses. It's perfect. This scent is all the more special to me, because some incredibly generous soul sent me two bottles the lotion and perfume as a gift. I don't know who did it, but I absolutely love them for it.:)

Bath and Body Works Country Apple.
All they sell in this creamy, apple scent is the bath gel, body spray, body lotion, and creamy hand wash and I have them all. I adore this scent, and it's another one perfect for fall.

Victoria's Secret Dream Angels Heavenly.
What can I say? This is one of my favorite scents ever! It's a soft vanilla musk, but the vanilla is not at all heavy. It's a very comforting scent that I love to layer. I have the angel body wash, the body lotion, angel mist (which is equivalent to a body spray) and a tiny bottle of perfume. I am definitely putting the large bottle of perfume on my Christmas list! This is absolutely one of my favorite scents ever and I will be wearing for a very long time, no matter the season.

Victoria's Secret Body by Victoria.
Let me be clear: I've never much liked clean scents, but this one has won me over completely. It's a clean, watery floral that makes me feel super clean and feminine. It reminds me a lot of Vera Wang, a scent I love but just can't afford (it's twice the price of Body by Victoria). It pairs very well with Bath and Body Works White Cherry Blossom. I have small bottles of the perfume, the body lotion, and bath wash. This has definitely become my scent for spring and summer.

Christian Dior's Miss Dior.
I have literally been wearing this perfume since I was five years old, and I still have the small sample bottle I got from a friend's mom at a sleepover. I also have a larger bottle and the body lotion, but it seems like they have changed the formula for it doesn't smell the same as it used to. I like to wear it when I want something of pure elegance.

Origins Fret Not.
When I want a blast of tangerine, this is the one I reach for! I have the perfume and body lotion, and it's wonderful after a hot bath. I pair it with Origins Salt Suds body wash, which smells absolutely delicious. Frankly, I will use anything from Origins. It's my favorite place ever for bath products, but I just can't afford it on a regular basis.

I have several others I decided to keep, but they don't stick out at me at the moment. As you can tell, I've become a *huge* fan of Victoria's Secret scents. I almost never forgave them for discontinuing their signature perfume Victoria, which I hope to find on Ebay one day. It was my favorite at one time, and I still have half a bottle of Victoria lotion that I am slowly nursing. Other VS scents I want to get are Breathless and Vanilla Lace collections. I'm also curious about the new Magnolia Blossom that's coming out at Bath and Body Works in April, and I'd love to add more of the White Cherry Blossom to my collection.

Perfumes I've depleted from my stash are Christian Dior's Dune, Christian Dior's Pure Poison, Bobbie Brown Beach, Ralph Lauren Blue (perfume and body gel), Paul Sebastian's Design (I adore it, but I've worn it for years and need a break), Thierry Mugler's Peony Angel (*very* expensive stuff but I'm just not going to wear it right now), Thierry Mugler Angel Innocence (very similar to the original Angel but not quite as strong), a small bottle of Calvin Klein's Sheer Obsession, and a small bottle of CK's regular Obession. There are tons more, and I don't know what I'm going to do with them. That said, I can't bring myself to throw them out. Most of them are 3/4 full. Right now they are sitting in a big pink VS bag, just looking pretty. Oh well, I'm sure I'll think of something!

But you see? It's almost as obsessive about my scents as I am my cross-stitch stash *grin*.

I'm feeling: chatty

Here

2006-03-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I've been gone so long, but I really needed a hiatus. I'm fine, truly I am, but apparently I've had some people worried so I thought I would take a moment to post and say hello.

I had a weird moment the other day. I was browsing blogs, and I clicked on Laura's blog, as I've been doing every day since she died. I don't know why, but it's a ritual I've started that I can't seem to break. As I clicked on it, the "cannot find server" page popped up. I kept trying and refreshing, and still nothing. I thought perhaps Neil had taken her blog down, and I started to cry uncontrollably. I know it's bound to happen one day, but for some reason seeing her blog no longer there made everything so final. As it turns out, it must have been a blip because her blog is still there. I guess it showed me that her death has affected me even more deeply than I first had thought. Even now I still have moments where I stop and think to myself, "I can't believe she's gone".

Sigh. What a drag.

Anyway, I really am doing fine. I'm really focusing on getting healthy, and I've updated my Fat Attitude blog for those of you that are following it. I've even created the Walk to Rivendell bulletin board for those who are following the Eowyn Challenge. I need to tie up a few lose ends that I've let slip through the cracks (forgetting things is the bane of my existence) but other than that I'm pretty caught up with things.

I've been stitching faithfully on my mermaid for the Mira board's March Mermaid SAL, and here she is at Week 2:

Ain't she purrrrrrrrrty?

Well, now that I've busted the floodgates into blogging again I hope to be consistent once more. Thanks for being patient with me.:)

Za mood: shy

Surprises

2006-02-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

Last week I recieved two wonderful surprises. Both of them touched my heart very much and I so want to share!

One of the surprises was a lovely bookmark hand made by the very lovely Mary. Hopefully I'll get a chance to scan it in later, but trust me, it's beautiful. It has a little fairy on it, and all shades of colors. I absolutely love it. Thank you, Mary!

On Saturday, I recieved an anonymous package from someone that contained two bottles of V'Tae Lemon Rose body lotion and two bottles of Lemon Rose perfume. I was stunned. The only return address is a P.O. box from somewhere in Atlanta, but with the way anonymous gifts go it could have been sent from anyone via a carrier. Some of you may remember I blogged about this not to long ago, and you can imagine my total and complete surprise by recieving such a gift. I have no idea who sent it, but I want to thank you! thank you! thank you!:):):)

WG had a very insightful post on her blog yesterday, one that defintely warrants observation. Since what she describes actually happened on the Mirabilia board, I would like to reiterate a little about a troll I banned from the board not long ago. This troll called herself Avida, and she was a pretty nasty piece of work. One of my regular posters commented on how much she loved a chart and would basically have to content to drolling because she couldn't afford it right now. Avida-troll makes a comment that if she can give a sob story can she get stash too? Okay, so it may seem like an honest question, but frankly, I do not think an honest question asked with a vicious intent warrants any kind of consideration from me. My job is to help create a pleasant and safe environment for Mirabilia stitchers, and that is what I am going to do. As long as the content of a post falls within the board guidelines, a poster is allowed to post whatever they wish. She (or he) should be able to expect to be protected and respected, not attacked or singled out by wandering trolls. If someone thinks (such as the case of Avida or whatever the troll's name was) that someone is begging for stash through a sob story, then my suggestion would be to ignore the thread and not try to stir up trouble. Of course, all anyone saw was her honest question, but no one saw what she posted once she was banned. True to trollish behavior, she created another name, came back to the same thread, and posted the following:

Stupid B***h! Can't keep me off this board. I have a right to express my opinions just like everyone else. H****** is a whiney little witch and she doesn't deserve free stuff.

Needless to say, this thread was promptly moved to our Archives forum. I'm a pretty good judge of character, which is why the I knew Avida's original question was not honest to begin with once I found out about it. And, of course, she proved her true colors by such a 'lovely' response once I banned her. I have *zero* tolerance for stuff like this. Period. And I've said it before, but if I find out Avida is a regular from another board I will expose that person on all the boards, along with the flaming posts she has made that are now nicely archived.

So: while some people may present sob stories in hopes of getting stash, it's certainly not my first thought. I guess I'm just naive, but when I see people post about how they love certain designs but can't afford them and just need to be content to drool, my first thought is how I can *so* relate to that situation! I've posted things very similar to that myself, except my posts usually involve hand dyed fabrics. LOL! But when I've found out that stitchers have got together to make a gift to that person, or other people, 'just because', my heart is warmed. If someone is truly trying to get stash out of others, well, that is on them; I've been completley scammed and burned by a stitcher before many years ago, so I know there are some true lemons out there. However, in the case of sobbing for stash, I've never gotten those vibes on my board, especially not in the previously mentioned situation. But maybe that's just me.

It is true that stash will not solve problems, nor will it replace the real blessings in our lives. That said, I know how a totally unexpected package, no matter how small, has completely brightened my day and reminded me that I have friends all over the globe. And friends, as we all know, are truly blessings indeed.

I'm feeling: giving

Works in Progress!

2006-02-17T15:37:00.000-05:00

Well, I did it. I now have an up-to-date, bonafide, offical cross stitch works in progress page once again. And the crowd goes wild!

Da link:
Click Me

I went ahead and uploaded The Kiss as well as Deepest Love, since I'm actually working on them both. Once they are finished, I'll get my Stitching Journal page finished, and then my Finished page. Woot! That will be a glorious day, indeed.:)

I'm off to do some laundry, fix something for dinner (maybe pizza?) and then stitch some more! I think I'll finish the Deepest Love bodice before I move on to the Kiss, unless I get the ocean bug and decide to work on DL until she's finished.

I'm feeling: Productive. Go me!

Johari

2006-02-16T10:37:00.000-05:00

It sounds like the name of an exotic heroine in a Bollywood film, but it's not; it's personality mapping, baby!

I had a lot of fun playing with the personality of Madame Dementia, and thought I would set one up for myself. I have no idea if I've done it right, so if I've goofed be kind (I'm no good around grids, which is what makes my adaptness for cross stitching so unusual).

I've created a window of my own, which you can find here:
Prin's Johari Window

So...if you want, tell me what you think! I'm pretty curious to know.:)

I'm feeling: expressive

Blues and Blessings

2006-02-16T07:41:00.000-05:00

Good morning, freaky dahlings. Today's list: The Blues and Blessings of the Unpredictable February.

The Blues:

1) Bad memories from last February still linger.

2) I'm tired.

3) I lost a friend.

4) Aunt Flo decided to visit early.

5) I'm unmotivated.

6) I'm tired (so tired it's worth mentioning twice).

7) I want to snuggle in bed but I have to get out in the cold.

Sigh.

I want to go to Toronto. Why Toronto? Dunno. I've heard it's beautiful. It's a place I've wanted to visit for 24 years, so I figure it's as good as time as any to want to go. Of course, I'm not going to get to go, but it's nice to think about it all the same.

Now for The Blessings:

1) God is still on His throne.

2) My children are healthy and precious to me.

3) My husband is one hot gorgeous dude.

4) My cats absolutely, unconditionaly adore me regardless of my messy hair, sloppy sweatshirt, and morning breath.

5) Steaming hot coffee is waiting for me right around the corner.

6) The litter boxes are clean and my house smells like Glade "Country Garden" air freshener.

7) The earth is still turning on it's axis and we are not spinning out of control into a black void never to be seen or heard of again.

Hmm...that last one pretty much tops it so I'll leave it at that.

Oh, but I did think of one more blessing:

8) I get one more day to work on Deepest Love and then I can start my official online WIP gallery. It's been so long since I've had one I almost don't know what to think.

How 'bout tha. My blessings outweigh my blues.

I'm feeling: hopeful

On-line Again

2006-02-15T11:09:00.000-05:00

Arrgh, I hated missing my entry yesterday! But not my fault, promise; my computer decided to play Let's Keep Stacey Guessing and kept bumping me off line, until it finally would not let me on anymore no matter what I did. Since I am Total Gurl around computers, I had to wait until hubby sailed home, fixed everything, and saved the day.

I am such a totally helpless chick-maiden when it comes to computers. What can I say? I like pink.

It's funny, but I didn't realize how much blogging has meant to me lately. It's been rather comforting. It's my way of staying communitive, even if I don't have a lot to say on the boards. Of course, the irony is that while yesterday I was chock-a-block with things to talk about, today leaves me humming aimlessly with little to say. Go figure. So, I'll try to make a little list of things I could talk about but don't really have the energy to expound on:

1) Took David to school. Forgot it was Career Day and had him dress in plain old jeans and T-shirt that reads "Praising Little Pentecostal". Told him to tell them "I want to be godly when I grow up". That'll work.

2) Took Jessi to Publix and Hobby Lobby. Bought four skeins of yarn: one pale pink, one light raspberry, one dark coffee brown, and one black. Have no idea what I'm going to do with them.

3) Heard on every freakin' talk show and news station about the Vice-President accidentally shooting a fellow hunter. Heard the story, don't get the big deal, really.don't.care. Moving on.

4) Listening to Jessi watch Barbie: The Nutcracker on DVD as I write this. Pretty graphics, pretty music. Wish I could draw like that.

5) Caught up on some blogs. Good stuff.

6) No word on Laura's memorial service. Missing her. Still can't believe she's gone.

7) Later today: bills. Ick.

8) Got a sugar high by emersing myself in uber-cute 'n' sweet emoticons.

9) On the night-time potty training front: not going good. Tired. Need sleep.

On another subject, I have a question on Comments netiquitte: is it best to respond to someone in the comments box, or to e-mail them? I've seen several bloggers do it both ways, but I'm curious if there is a "right" way to do it. Anyone?

My mood: sleepy

Monday

2006-02-13T09:59:00.000-05:00

It's been a long weekend. It was pretty good, but I don't feel rested. In truth, I'm exhausted.

The fact that I'm night training my daughter as far as potty habits go is helping contribute to my tiredness. Despite the fact that she is not completely trained (and I'm dreading those bouts with 'No. 2) I have bit the bullet and decided no more trainers. I've finally figured out she has been using them as a crutch, and frankly so have I. She'll be four in August, and since she knows how to go 'No. 2 in the potty but just *won't*, I've decided it's high time to nix the trainers altogether.

So far, I have found she wets the bed at 3 AM and again at 6 AM, which means I need to get her up at 3 and 6 to get her trained. Oh yay. But, if it takes quickly, it will be so worth it. I'm also hoping once she is night trained that maybe, hopefully, she will decide that Mommy is right and it really is gross to go poopola in the pants and she'll use the potty all the time.

Pray for me.

On stitchier things, I'm hoping to have a picture of mermaid to post by the middle of this week. It will be nice to have an on line stitching diary again to track my progress. So far, this piece has been very soothing to work on. For that, I am grateful.

Today is the memorial service at Neil's for Laura. I really wish I could be there.

Freaked

2006-02-11T06:53:00.000-05:00

I'm up insanely early, due to the fact that my children are wide-awake (it seems to be a law of nature that they can't *possibly* sleep past 6 AM on Saturday mornings) and also because I had the freakiest dream I've had this week. It has left me feeling displaced and edgy.

How many of us are actually willing to practice what we preach? Are you? Am I? When we feel wronged, do we lash out or do we let it go? The Bible teaches for us to let an offense end with the offender; in other words, when you feel you have been wronged do not add insult to injury by retaliating in kind. Stop and let it go. We want people to understand us, but so many times we are not willing to understand them.

Are you honestly willing to do that, or do you choose to hold on to your hurts? I ask myself this same question, and remember: whenever you point a finger at someone you have three fingers pointing back at yourself.

Perhaps if we remembered those three fingers of self-rebuke we would be better people.

I don't know what is with me this morning...maybe I'm just feeling a little freaked from my dream but I'm feeling something in the air. Something ominous. Maybe it's because Laura's service is today and the finality of everything is coming to a close. Last night I was so worn out that I went to bed at a little before ten, which is very early for me. I really wanted to go to bed at nine, but I just couldn't bring myself do something so insane. I thought the sleep would do me good, but I'm just feeling awful in my spirit. I need to go pray.

Be good to each other this weekend. Say a prayer for someone. Light a candle. Give a hug. Toast a glass.

Life is great, so celebrate.

Convictions

2006-02-10T09:44:00.000-05:00

Gone stitching. See you at noon.

* * *

Well, my DSL crashed so I haven't been able to get back on until now, which is 5 PM Eastern time. I don't have anything significant to show, but I promise I'll post my progress after a week.

I've been working on Deepest Love for a couple of hours this morning, and I've been thinking about the past couple of years. I've also been thinking about some convictions I've had and, in some degree, still have in regards to my stitching.

I used to be very convicted against stitching anything fantasy, and that means *anything* fantasy. God had brought me to a place where I had to give all that up to get focused on Him, as well as not causing some of my brothers and sisters to stumble. I came out of some very heavy paganism, as well as a sort of 'worship' of fantasy; it was pretty much my life. When I came to God, He asked me to give all that up and so I did.

See, sometimes He will ask things of us to help us for our own cleansing, and to free us from any bondage we happen to be under. For me, it was the cleansing of all things fantasy. It was a time for me to grow in my faith and to be, quite simply, obedient to my Lord. He had asked something simple of me, and frankly He was worth the sacrifice. This was a personal conviction of mine, and one I held very strongly.

Fast forward several years: I find God allowing me a little more freedom in regards to the subject. I guess it's because I can live without it, and it is no longer a hinderance in my life. I have also learned that not all fantasy is equal. There is gentle, light fantasy and then there is dark fantasy, a genre which I still to this day will have nothing to do with. If a subject in any way violates the Word of God, I won't entertain it. I feel a release to enjoy some of these light things now with no conviction, but that does not mean it will always be that way. Perhaps I'm in a phase of my life where I can handle them with maturity and be over them instead of them being over me, if that makes any sense. The point I'm at in my life is that I am totally open to whatever God chooses to allow for me or ask from me. If light fantasy starts to become too big of an issue for me, I will freely give it up with no hesitation whatsoever. It's the same with my artwork; right now my faeries are pretty much just pretty ladies with wings, and no more (although lately I've been feeling really lead to crack down and get serious on the Women of the Bible series I'm dreaming about). I have many, many absolutes in my life, and my main one is that if the Bible says it, I believe it. It is the gray areas where we are to allow God to draw us to our own personal convictions. The biggest problem with that is that people don't want to take God's convctions as their own so they make all areas gray and do what they want. I certainly don't want to do that, so I am trying to remain open to Him. There are still some elements I will never stitch, because they violate stronger convictions than just my personal ones. However, if you see a Mirabilia fairy or mermaid (albiet converted to preserve her modesty, thank you very much) just understand where I am coming from.

And to be honest, right now it's a way to help me feel close to Laura. I'm human and doing the best I can.

Moving on...I think one of the reasons I'm so drawn to Deepest Love is because it's one of the pieces that I most associate with Laura. It is bringing me great comfort to work on it as I think about her.

Healing

2006-02-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

I want to thank everyone for the lovely comments on my new logo. I always balk at using my own work for anything regarding myself. I don't know why, but I never consider myself a "real" artist. I like my work, but sometimes I feel like it's little more than glorified crayon. I know, I know, I can feel the wet noodle-lashing as I speak, but I'm just being real.

I organized my stash last night, and it truly was a form of serenity to me. It gave me a sense of newness as I cleaned out my stash drawers and played in my sparklies. I unkitted everything except my Chatelaines (Misty Morning Vineyard, Taj Mahal, and Watergarden), but I have no plans to work on them at present. I have an insatiable desire to stitch nothing but Mirabilias. Since Laura was the first person I met online who loved Mirabilia as much as I did, I suppose it's my way of being close to her. And now, years later, I'm surrounded by such wonderful people who also love Mirabilia as much as I do, and that is a great comfort.

While I was going through my stash, I found all of the wonderful scissor fobs I've aquired in the past year or so. Most of them I purchased, but my most special are three that were given to me as gifts. The very first fob I ever got was a gift from Angi a la purple faery and it remains infinitely special to me. It's made of pink swarovskis with silver accenting, and at the end dangles a silver dolphin. I was doubly touched, because not only are dolphins one of my favorite animals ever, pink is one of my favorite colors. The second fob I recieved as a gift was from Ginny, one of the Georgia Ghetto Floss Lickers stitchers (and I think 'redneck' was recently incorporated in there somewhere). Not only is she an emmensely talented stitcher, but also an amazing 'fobber'. Her fob consisted of gorgeous glass beads the color of pale turquoise, another one of my favorite colors. It also contains a dolphin charm, and complete with matching dolphin bracelet. It's stunning. The third fob I recieved as a gift was recently and it was from Cindy (aka stitchingmom, our resident Color Conversion whiz on the Mira board). This gorgeous fob is loaded with all different kinds of beads, all the colors of the ocean. The charm is amazing; it's a mermaid riding on the back of a dolphin. Silver, of course. I love them all dearly, and they help remind me of what a special group of women I have the priviledge to know. The stitching community really is something, and I am grateful and humbled to be a part of it.

I'm actually doing much better today. I think I've gotten past the denial stage concerning Laura's death; I actually found myself wishing that it was all a cruel joke, and that she would post saying she was really alive. I think the turning point for me when I realized that she was really gone was when I read about the vigil Neil had a few days ago for Laura at his home. Although I took comfort that Neil was trying to celebrate Laura's life, it struck me that she was not coming back. I finally had to face this truth. And face it I did.

Do you know who I really feel for? I feel for those stitchers that had the pleasure to know Laura in 'real life', like Ryan and Cymberleah. So many of these ladies were able to eat with her, stitch with her, attend her wedding, and be her friends. I know their pain must be immense, and my heart goes out to them. While I am sorry for my own loss, I am sorry for theirs for in many ways it is that much greater.

I remember the first time I spoke to Laura. It was at one of the stitching GTG and Valerie called her on her cell-phone. We all sang happy birthday to her, and then passed the phone around for all to speak with her. It was so cool, and she was so surprised. She didn't sound anything like I thought she would. For some reason, I envisioned her as sounding 'clear' and 'straightforward', if that makes any sense. But she didn't; she had a marvelously feminine voice, with an infectious giggle. She also sounded very 'Canadian', which was a delight. I think Canadians have a different timber to their voices than us Yanks, and I absolutely love it (I've always had a love affair with Canada anyway). I'll never forget that time her, Angi and I all got together and talked online, except I didn't have a microphone so all I could do was hear their voices and type my responses as the 'silent partner'. I'll never forget her total incomprehension of why I like Haldir so much.

Laura: Ew, why do you like him? He's so snobby!
Me: Because he's the only elf with testosterone!
Playful howls of protestation from Laura and Angi.

*Sigh*. That was a fun night.

That was also before Laura's depression kicked in. I am so sorry she had to struggle with that, for it's a horrible thing to have to suffer.

Anway...I'm taking the cue from Neil and I'm choosing to celebrate her life. I'm going to start posting on the boards, but I will be clinging very closely to the Mira board. I have done those wonderful stitchers a grave diservice by not letting them know how special they are to me. I have chosen to stitch The Kiss and Deepest Love, and I know it will be my way to draw close to those things we both loved about Mirabilias. There is indeed healing to be found in those things treasured.

Now: The Kiss will be my Phantom of the Opera conversion, but don't expect any fancy new colorway for Deepest Love. The truth is, I'm burned out on doing color conversions. I'm not giving them up altogether, but I am taking a break. When I first started them they were an amazing challenge, and they worked really well; I even got dubbed the 'Queen of Color Conversions' by the intrepid Lorchen (whom I miss). I loved experimenting with color and showing how a design could completely change a look just by changing a few colors. I'd like to even think I played some small role in giving stitchers the courage to attempt to try conversions of their own. I was looking at the Color Conversions forum the other day, and it's just exploded with different colorways. I am so proud of everyone, and frankly they don't need me to do conversions for them anymore. They can do it themselves, and they are doing it remarkably well.

It will actually be refreshing to stitch a Mira as it's been charted. Who knew?

{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}

Trolls

2006-02-08T15:08:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I've got a new template. I have a moon.stars.night-time thingy going, which works for me. I admit the logo came out a little large, but considering I've used nearly everybody else's artwork in my logos I figured it was time I used some of my own for a change. The piece is called "Fireflies on Parade" and you can see the full version by clicking on the thumbnail below:

It's a very special piece to me, and I thought it was fitting all things considered. I may change it to something a little smaller in the near future, but for now it comforts me.

Well, it seems the Mirabilia board had a bit of excitement yesterday. I actually had to ban somebody. The person in question was obviously a troll, and used such manners and language that defined it as such. Look, the truth is I'm a pretty laid back board owner, so much so that other than a few tweaks and scans from the admins the board pretty much runs itself. Everyone loves one another, plays nice, and gets together to rave about stitching; pretty standard stuff. Well, then someone comes along and decideds to single some stitchers out to insult and aggravate, and then when I ban her (or him) said troll takes the time and effort to suit up under an new name and insults one of the admins in a very vicious way. We managed to ban 'its' new name and user IP. We've also been able to find out its service provider and the area it lives.

Later days, troll.

One of the things it said was that it has the right to its opinion. Well, not really. As far as I'm concerned, once a poster violates the guidelines of the board, it's buh-bye, and I don't care how good your fried chicken is or who your mama dated post World War II; you're off my board, and that's the end game.

Why people choose to entertain themselves in such a way is beyond me. I really hope I don't find out it's someone we know, or that would disappoint me in ways you cannot imagine. I would not hesitate to expose them on the boards. Hmm, I wonder if the same person responsible for all the hate mails sent to stitchers? You know, that brave intrepid soul who chooses to remain annonymous.

Like we all need this after the past few days, hmm? But, like I saw on a blog this morning, it's weird but life does go on. It doesn't stop for mildewed laundry, burnt cookies, disappearing children, or deaths of good friends. It plods on, and we must plod with it.

I'm starting to really hate February.

Perspective

2006-02-07T07:34:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking the morning and I've decided to add a memoriam in my sidebar. Special thanks goes to Nicole for creating the wonderful memory picture of Laura for us all to use. I also chose some blinkies off Laura's blog that best describe her to me.

I got up after my last post and decided to get active. I've been in my jammies for two days, and the lethargy was starting to kick in. I've had some major stomach pains on and off this morning (stress I suppose) but I needed to get active so I cleaned. Nothing major, just a little light house cleansing, but as soon as I vaccumed I felt better. I felt more purposeful, and effective. My children are here, and despite my grief they need me. They need to be able to depend on Mom to keep a clean house for them and feed them and spend time loving them. So I did.

You know, we really do need to tell people how much we care about them. I have so many regrets with Laura. There was so much I wanted to say. We should never take our loved ones for granted. It's not just the point that we don't know when we are going to go, but it's more of a fact that we don't know when they are going to go.

Which brings me to some of the stupid customs we have. I mean, why do we always wait until company comes to use the expensive dishes? Why wait? Isn't your family special enough to use them every day? Okay, so if you use them every day they might cease to be special, but says who? How can a family meal surrounded by beauty and good conversation ever be considered unspecial, regardless of how many times you've seen the pretty dishes? Or, why wait for special occassions to burn those candles or light that insence? Everyday should be celebrated and cherished, and we should do the things we love with the ones we love, just because we are together. These are just a couple of examples of some of the things we can do to help show our families they are special.

And friends, physical and online...have you touched out to someone today and told them what they mean to you? I made a point of it this morning. I sent an e-mail to someone I've been in the same circle with for four years. Everytime I see her I connect with her, and I think good things. So, I decided not to just think these things about her, but to tell her these things. I think we should all do something like that, if anything to help us keep perspective. I challenge you today to do just that; e-mail someone you think very highly of, someone who may not know it and let them know how they have touched you. Perhaps our community would be a lot stronger if we did that every day.

Let's walk in love with each other. If you have been wronged by someone, or if you are the one who has wronged someone else, put it aside. Write that person, right now. Let them know life is too short to be hindered by stupid grudges and hurt feelings. Embrace friendship, for it is the stuff love is made of.

Yesterday I picked up my WIP of the Kiss and worked on it all day. It brought me some comfort, as it was the piece that most reminds me of Laura. I've pretty much put all my other WIPs on the back burner for now I just have a penchant to stitch Mirabilias.

I found out news about the memorial service for Laura. It can be found here on Neil's blog. Angi and I were going to send flowers from the Mirabilia board, but they have requested donations be given to the United Way or a favorite charity in leiu of flowers. I desperately wish I could go.

There are so many things I want to say, and so many things I feel. I know death is a part of life, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. I just take comfort in the fact that God is with me right now; He is with all of us, whether we acknowledge His presence or not. I have been praying constantly for Neil and her parents, that God grant them the strength and comfort they need during this time.

I've been dreaming of her, and I still can't believe she's gone. I don't think any of us will get used to that fact.

Sad

2006-02-06T16:23:00.000-05:00

I am so depressed. Sad, depressed. Angry. Confused. I don't know how I'm going to come to grips with this. I just don't understand.

However, things are starting to piece togther for me. They are starting to make sense, even though they will never completely make sense. So many people loved and cared about Laura. The blog posts from the blogosphere have been wonderful and comforting to read. I wish I could contribute to that warmth and comfort, but I just feel too raw. I've been checking the blogs to see if any information about the funeral and memorial service have been posted, but so far nothing new. When I spoke to Skye they still did not have the information so it's just a matter of waiting.

Laura felt things very deeply. Her and I connected almost immediately many years ago when we met online. We are worlds apart politically and spiritually, but it didn't matter; we always claimed we were soul-sisters, opposites split from the same comet. Her and I went through a rough patch not too long ago, all because of a misunderstanding. We talked about it at length through detailed e-mails, and in the end our friendship blossomed once again. It was great to see her blogging again and living life with what seemed out of the shadow of a depression that had gripped her for that one year, one she talks very openly about in her blog. I rejoiced with her when I saw her and Neil decide to buy a house, and was saddened each time she said she had not concieved. The meme I tagged her for was the last thing she posted on her blog.

God, how I miss her. So much, so soon.

Tragedy

2006-02-05T19:05:00.000-05:00

A very close friend of mine is gone. We called each other 'soul-sisters'. I am devestated. There is nothing I can say right now that can come close to how I feel. My prayers go out to Neil and her parents.

Laura, I miss you already so much it hurts. I love you.

Great Day!

2006-02-03T13:26:00.000-05:00

Forgive my whiney post yesterday...stuff happens.

Today, however, has been wonderful! I took David and Jessi to school (Jess had her weekly Mom's Morning Out class) and I used the time to run errands. I managed to make the beds and clean the cat boxes before we left for school, so I was able to run by the bank and go grocery shopping. If you are really interested in seeing what I've been compiling in my pantry over the past two days, you can find it here. See? That's why I put a get-fit blog together, so I wouldn't have to post all that stuff over here!:D

The weather here is so gorgeous I almost can't stand it. I so love Spring, and today is a Spring day like no other. Tomorrow's forcast, however, is slated to be very cold and windy. Gross. Ah, well...tis the way of the weather in Georgia.

I found something uber-cool on Rose's blog, and I just had to click one up for myself:

Word Cloud. Now if I could only find a way to use it in my sig line and still have it be readable.

Oh, yeah! Guess what I got yesterday in the mail? Only my favorite scent EVER!

This is the most wonderful scent in the world. It smells exactly like fresh-squeezed lemons and fresh roses. I was devestated to see that V'Tae had discontinued it, but I found it on Amazon.com for half the price V'Tae sold it for, so it's a nice trade off. I may need to stock up on it in the meantime before it disappears altogether. But for today, not only can I enjoy Spring weather today, but I can smell like Spring too!

Wheeee. Good day, yes, indeed.:)

Ugh

2006-02-02T07:38:00.000-05:00

Feeling icky. Sore throat from too much singing, or at the very least from improper breath control. Too much singing from the throat and not from the diaphram, I suppose. Blast, but I wish I could take vocal lessons again. I hate being an untrained-trained singer, you know? It's been many years since those lessons, and I miss them.

Anyway.

The weather here is weirding me out. One minute it's warm and sunny, and the next it's cold and gross. I'm surprised we aren't all running around catching our deaths. I usually like winter, but I'm ready for a long and beautiful spring. Although fall is my favorite season (i.e. read "two weeks", for this is Georgia after all), spring does something to me. It invigorates me. I am *so* ready for it!

Okay, time for some whines:

1) I'm lazy.
2) I'm an untalented hack who has no business trying to play with the Big Boys and Girls.
3) I'm irritable.
4) I have an over-excelerated opinion of myself.
5) I'm vain.
6) I have an overy-low opinion of myself.
7) I'm putting too much on myself and not God.

There. That sums up my mood for the moment, all brought on because I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Pathetic, isn't it? I think I need to go pray, have a stiff cup of joe, and knit.

Get-Fit Journey Begins

2006-02-01T11:26:00.000-05:00

I have a new blog, whoohoo!!

Now, don't any of you start panicking. I'm not going anywhere. When I came back to Fully Caffeinated, I promised you all this is where I would stay and stay I will. I just decided to make a blog that chronicles my get-fit journey, instead of cluttering up this one with menus, excersise routines, etc. It will focus mainly on the Body-for-LIFE program and my quest to keep my sanity while I'm fighting the urge to scarf down a box of Ho Hos in the process.

So...let's get fit and get a Fat Attitude! Hope to see you there!

I am now off to pick up my son from kindergarten and do some more cleaning. PSP is still not installed or I would chuck caution to the wind and show you my faery WIP, but it looks like I'll get to work on her a couple more days until that happens.

Whew

2006-01-31T10:06:00.000-05:00

Hmm. This morning I'm feeling odd, slightly displaced. It's kind of a Frodo-ish "gee-I-can-see-everyone-around-me-but-they-are-surrounded-by-swirly-smoky-things-and-someone-keeps-saying-"I SEE YOU-and-what-are-these-weird-looking-dudes-in-white-looking-at-me" kind of displaced.

Well. Moral of the story: never watch Fellowship of the Ring right before bed.

In more normal news, I spent the better part of yesterday cleaning my bathroom and bedroom like a crazed Molly Maid. I even tackled laundry and made out my master grocery list, which lists everything I want to keep in the house. I made divisions for Fridge/Dairy, Pantry, Produce, Pharmacy, Kid's Bathroom, Our Bathroom, Cleaning Supplies, Meats, Freezer and Miscelleneous. Once I got that finished, I went back and took off those things I have in the house, and -voila!- instant shopping list. Unfortunately, it's one whopper of a list, for I'm shopping for my Body-for-Life. *Lotsa* protein to buy, not to mention Myoplex shakes which are not cheap but great for weight-training. On a side note, I think I'm the only one this side of the Northern Hemisphere that actually likes the taste of these things, so I'm looking forward to getting them. Robert's not crazy about them, and complains that they leave a weird film in plastic cups, even after a thorough washing. He's right, they do, but I promised him I will use my own special Shake Cup just for those occassions.

Ah, compromise...it's a wonderful thing, yes?

This morning I was delighted to find that I can indeed still purchase V'tae's Lemon Rose, a scent they discontinued and replaced it with Cucumber Rose. Ew. I discovered the Lemon Rose a couple of years back, and instantly fell in love with it. The rose note in the fragrance keeps the lemon from smelling too sour, and the lemon keeps the rose from smelling too sweet. It's a wonderful everyday scent, and since we all know what a scent junkie I am I was very happy to find it on Amazon.com. I ordered the perfume and the body lotion at insanely cheap prices, and now I don't have to hoard my very last few drops of lotion I still have left. I'm nearly at the bottom of the bottle, and I have not been looking forward to the day when it's all gone. And now I don't have to! Yay me!

I worked a bit on my purple faery last night. I've been telling myself for ages that I would draw a blonde faery in purple in honor of Fudgey, who loves faeries but is a bit distressed that so many of them seem to be brunettes. She's turning out kind of cute; nothing dramatic, just a simple pose, velvety clothing, and bold pink-and-purple wings. Pretty much my staples, I suppose. I should be done with her in a few days and I'll upload her to my deviantART gallery once she's finished.

Tonight: knitting and stitching! And maybe some more LOTR...

Daily Chore List:
1) ~~Declutter desk~~

2) ~~Bills~~

3) ~~help David Timothy with homework~~

4) ~~find new doctor for Robert~~

5) ~~Laundry: wash/fold/put away~~

6) ~~List blogs alphabetically~~

A Whilrwind of a Weekend

2006-01-30T10:40:00.000-05:00

Whew! What a weekend!

This weekend saw me at a 2 year old's birthday party, Praising Hands puppet team rehearsal, playing with a new dyrer (gently used, but new to me), rehersal rehersal rehersal for my solo Sunday morning, performing said solo at church Sunday morning, and an International Day dinner that Sunday evening. Needless to say, my house is a wreak because it was so neglected, but I'm taking my own sweet time today cleaning it up. After I pick David up from school I'm ordering us pizza for lunch, and then I'll kick it into high gear!

The song I did Sunday morning for our International Day was "Go Light Your World" by Kathy Troccoli. I had to sing it in a higher key, for there was no way my soprano was going to make it through that alto song. I tried to sing it in the original key, for I think that is where the song sounds its best, but after the first try my throat was starting to hurt and I was resisting the urge to cough up a lung. So, the higher key it was. I had the idea of having a power point presentation presented as I sang, so I found a ton of pictures from all over the internet and gave them to a friend of mine, who compiled the whole thing into an absolutely fabulous presentation. She put the pictures together in a way that would reflect the lyrics of the song, and included the lyrics in the power point so people could 'see' what I was singing. She did a marvelous job, and I was honored to be part of it. If you have never heard the song, you can find a sample of it here. It's truly heartwarming.

After service, my pastor asked me again if I had talked to Marvin (our associate pastor who has a street music ministry, as well as his own home recording studio) about recording an album. I said I had not yet, but I would. It's always been a dream of mine of make a Christmas CD as well as a CD of traditional hymns, but I just feel funny about talking to someone about it. After all, it would be taking their time and their efforts to make it happen, and I just don't have the confidence to go forth and persue it. I'll do it, but I'm still getting up the nerve.

It's funny, but I'm the same way with my artwork. It's awesome to share it with others, and even try to make a little money selling prints, but I'm oddly unforthcoming about it in the art community. I have my deviantART gallery, and my one-day-to-be-released web site, but right now I'm happy with that. Maybe later I'll get bossy about it, but right now I'm content with things to be as they are.

And now...a meme! Tagged by Mary!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Starting a new job at Tattersall's bookstore.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I began painting again.

Five snacks you enjoy (in no particular order, as all snacks are created equal):
1. white Mexican cheese dip
2. Outback's cheese fries
3. fat-free hot chocolate
4. Myoplex protein shakes
5. Taco Bell's bean burrito, with extra cheese, sour cream, and no onions!

Five songs to which you KNOW all the lyrics:
1. Aloha Oe'
2. Any song by ABBA
3. Into the West by Annie Lenox
4. Go Light Your World by Kathy Troccoli (duh!)
5. Only A Whisper by Yanni (the lyric version, obviously)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. give a whopping offering to my church (I already tithe, so that is an assumption)
2. move into a house with a fireplace and finished basement
3. buy another minivan
4. set up a college fund for my children
5. set up a retirement fund for us

Five bad habits:
1. worry too much
2. undisciplined
3. spend too much money
4. insecure
5. moody

Five things you like doing:
1. cross stitching
2. reading
3. knitting
4. artwork
5. designing

Five things you would never wear, buy, or get again:
1. tight-fitting hoochie clothes
2. colored contacts (thank goodness I survived *that* phase!)
3. mumus
4. universal remote control
5. a tattoo

Five favorite toys:
1. computer
2. my AIWA stereo
3. needle threader
4. Thread Heaven!
5. Prismacolor markers

I spy with my little eye:

Dana
Valerie
Laura
Belinda
WG
Debi

TAG! You're it!

Food For Thought

2006-01-27T09:49:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here after stuffing my face with Krispy Kreme donoughts (I'll get back to Body-For-Life on Monday, I swear) and thinking deep thoughts, such as:

1) Does anybody else think Tilda Swinton (the White Witch in Narnia) looks like Galadriel's super-freaky evil twin sister? It didn't ruin the movie for me because she was so fantastically good, but I would have prefered her to at least been a brunette; it might have diluted the "evil elf-twin" thing.

2) Why on earth Wolverine didn't dump the bland Jean Gray and run off with the incredibly exotic Storm never ceases to amaze me (although I thought Iman would have made a faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar better Storm than Halle Berry).

3) Coffee...where in the name of all that is holy and good did I put my coffee???

Ah, such deepness in the early hours of the day; scary.

Memememy meme memememy meme...

2006-01-26T08:51:00.000-05:00

Seems for me it's the week of memes! I must admit, I'm enjoying them tremendously. I find that I can delve more into someone's personality after reading memes than I can after a month of blog reading. Some memes are very revealing.

I've been delightfully tagged by Mary to disclose Five Weird Things About Myself. Hmmm, let's see...

1) Despite my outgoing personality, I'm painfully shy.

2) I think pale pink and black accented with heather gray is the perfect color combonation.

3) I leave twinkle lights up all year round.

4) I love the scent of lemon and spearmint together.

5) Sometimes working on my art hurts; not the physical process, but the inner.

Well, not all of that is necessarily weird, but some of it's pretty soul-bearing.

Here's another meme that's been circulating the blog scene, and since I'm the last blogger on the face of the earth to finally get around to it, I figure I might as well give it a whirl.

Four movies you would watch over and over:
LOTR Trilogy
Bride and Prejudice (nope, that's not a typo!)
Finding Nemo
Toy Story

Four places you have lived:
Dhahran, Saudi Arabia
Kingston-Upon-Thames, England
Pembroke Pines, Florida
Aurora, Colorado

Four TV shows you love to watch:
I Love Lucy (my all-time favorite)
The Brady Bunch
Monk
24

Four places you have been on vacation:
Ireland
Spain
Greece
Russia

Four websites you visit daily: (or as much as I can. List is subject to change on a daily basis)
Heaven and Earth Designs BB
The Wagon BB
Blatanly We
The Blogosphere!

Four of your favorite foods:
Mexican white cheese dip (sans jalepenos)
Almond Joy
Coffee
Steak and potatoes!

Four places you would rather be right now:
Hawaii
Ireland
Hawaii
Hawaii (did I mention Hawaii?)

If you haven't done this meme and you want to, feel free to be tagged!:)

Coffee and Cute Memes

2006-01-25T08:55:00.000-05:00

I am about to get the biggest mug of coffee this side of the Mississippi. I will not only drink it, I will inhale it, the fastest way I can. By osmosis, if possible. The only other person I know who even might begin to appreciate this is Rosemary, who seems to be as insanely obsessive towards La Java as myself. More power to you, Rose; this mug's for you.

Yesterday? Blech. Moving on...

I just had a blast commenting on Kirsten's meme, and since she claims everyone who participated has been tagged, here is a direct quote of what we taggies are meant to do:

"If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often (or ever, for that matter), please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME.

It can be anything you want--good or bad--BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

And now you can consider yourself tagged, so go post this meme on your blog."

So, what are you waiting for? Fire away!

BTW, if someone can send me a link to the current Stitching Question I would appreciate it. I don't know if it's really difficult to find or if I'm just easily confused, but I can't find it. :x

Just For Fun

2006-01-24T10:40:00.000-05:00

Saw this quiz on a night owl's blog and decided to give it a whirl. The results:

Your Japanese name should be

'Aki'

which means

"autumn".

You can be compared

with autumn, the way the autumn weather

changes, is how your feelings change. You

have these mood swings you can't control; one

moment you're happy, the next you're feeling

almost depressed. You're probably sensitive

and creative.

Which Japanese name fits you best? [females, 9 results + absolutely stunning ANIME pictures!]
brought to you by Quizilla

Hm, I'm autumn...whose surprised here?

Requiem for Appliances

2006-01-24T08:59:00.000-05:00

I now give a pause of silence in memory of my computer.

*pause*

There. It's done. We are now a one computer household, with mine finally biting the bullet yesterday. It had been behaving weirdly for the past month or so, and we thought it was one issue when it turned out to be something else. Either way, it's gone buh-bye and now I'm flying co-pilot with my hubby, so computer time will be seriously limited to the daytime.

Along with the death of one computer, we've also had a toilet replaced and a dryer go out on us. My Dad put in a new toilet (the old one was leaking underneath the floorboard and rotting the floor out. Fun) and last night the dryer, while still working, decided not to heat, so the clothes were still wet. This morning my tiny laundry area looks like an Amish backyard, with wet clothes hanging to dry. I don't have a line outside to hang them on, but I think I'm going to have Robert rig one until we can (A) afford a new dryer, or (B) figure out how to replace the heating coil (or whatever it's called). Hey, Val, ever fixed a dryer? If you have, your expertise is now sorely needed!

Normally something as dismal as appliances dying all around me would have me feeling depressed and tired, but aside from the tired part I'm feeling pretty good about things. David and Jessi have been a bit of a handful lately, and I'm doing the best I can. I think the weather is playing a keen part in their restlesness. Being Georgia, the weather can't decide to be Spring or Winter, so it can be warm one day and freezing the next. The past few days have been nothing short of drizzly and yuck, so aside from a little mud-tracking they have had to stay indoors.

Saturday was one of the best days I've had this month. Cindy hosted a Get Together, and my mother (who stitches too) and I went. Needless to say, there was more eating and gabbing going on than stitching, and it was a blast. Those who attended were Cindy (our hostess), Valerie, Cris, Ginny (Val, don't forget to send my the link to Ginny's blog!), Angela, Becky, Erin, and Pat. Val presented me with a gift she and Cris got at last year's CATS, and Cindy graced me with a stunning scissors fob of aqua and turqouise beads complete with a mermaid and dolphin charm (for those new readers, I am simply *crazed* over dolphins). Val even introduced me to Prinncess the pink dolphin, an adorable stuffed dolphin belonging to and named for me by her son Phoenix. Unfortunately Mom and I had to leave before Ginny's beautiful fobs arrived, or I would have left with at least three new fobs in my stash. It was a lot of fun, and I miss them already. And Kirsten, who was not able to attend as she thought, was *sorely* missed. We all missed you, honey! Know you are loved!:)

Stitching-wise, I'm revamping a couple of projects. I'm still working on Frost Bearer, and I'm restarting Fantasy Triptych. I was stitching it on 28 ct evenweave, but truthfully I didn't realize how big this piece really is so I'm restarting it on 32 ct evenweave. I'm using Amsterdam blue, which is working wonderfully with the bold autumn colors of the floss (I'm doing a Rivendell conversion). I've even found ways to add sparklies to the trees, so I think it's going to look really gorgeous when I'm finished.

Last week I started Body-for-Life again. South Beach Diet got me up to Christmas, when I crashed and burned through New Year's. Now I'm back on what worked for me before, but I'm taking things a bit more sensibly this time. I'm excercising and eating right, but I'm not in a "hurry" to lose the weight. It will happens when my body allows it to happen. I've lost 5 pounds, but while I know it's probably water weight already my shirts feel not-so-tight in the tummy. Of course, when you have 80 pounds to lose any little bit helps. Pray for me!:)

Well, I'm off to look at making an Eowyn Challenge bulletin board. I may not get it finished today, but I'll let you all know when it's done.

She's Alive!!

2006-01-17T11:23:00.000-05:00

I'm still here, going strong...just really really busy.

I've been working on some designs for Jo, as well as enjoying my family over the holidays. I've been stitching a little as well, and having a good time. In truth, I've been enjoying life. I've had a couple of clunkers happen (one being a little bout of sickness I had to deal with), but some of the things actually turned out to be for my benefit. I've also been working on a few New Year's resolutions that I made in the middle of December, and while not perfect I'm making marked improvements in those areas.

So...I'm going to get through the next week to finish up some loose ends, and then I'll be back to blogging and posting on Les Boards as normal. I'm even hoping to get some new art pieces flushed out on paper; I've come across some wonderful ideas that would work great for my Women of the Bible series. Nope, I haven't given up on that dream!).

Have a wonderful day!

Stitching and More Stitching...

2005-12-23T13:29:00.000-05:00

Before my post, I must take the time to decorate this blog for the upcoming Christmas festivities:

There. That is *so* much better.

Now...it's time for a few pictures.

Here is my progress on Castle of Spring:

It's being stitched on a Silkweaver limited color called Waterfall. I purchased it a couple of years ago, and it's perfect for this piece.

I thought I would share a few piccas on how I organize my works in progress. I am a total bobbinator, and if my floss box is not orderly I can't function. Normally, I will reserve one box per project, but if I am working on two small projects I will share a box. Right now I am working on Castle of Spring and the soon-to-be Deco Spirits, and since they both do not require a large amount of floss they share a box.

Deco Spirits is on the left and CoS is on the right. Each project has to have it's own scissors, as you can see here (with one of Angi's gorgeous fobs attached to it). The bottom right hand corner in every kit is used as an ort jar, and I empty it when it gets full.

Here is a pic of my stitching notebook, where I keep all the charts for my WIPs as well as any notes or color conversions for each project:

Here is a picture of my stitching shelf, the place where I keep my current kitted projects:

Here you see a box of sparklies, the DS and CoS kit, the Weeping Willow Keep kit, the Star Maiden kit, the Gaelic Banner kit, my stitching notebook, and fabric. You can also see a picture of the Georgia Stitchers Floss Lickers club on the shelf above it (one of my prized possessions).

Here is a picture of my stitching corner, of which you can see my knitting peeking out from behind the end table:

And last but not least, here is the progress so far of my Cheshire Cat scarf (of which I had to rip out nearly an entire color and start again):

Well, that's it for now! I'm going to be pretty busy over the next week, with finalizing some charts for Jo and, of course, with Christmas. Hopefully I'll get another post in or two, but I wanted to get these pictures up before things got too terribly busy.:)

Early Morning Blogger

2005-12-21T01:22:00.000-05:00

It's 1:30 AM in the morning, and I need to get my sorry bum to bed or sorry I truly will be when I wake up. The coffee I've had over the past few hours is not wanting to say goodnight, hence the later-than-usual post.

Last night (or should I say earlier this evening) I organized my 2006 lineup and pulled floss for my boxes. I will take a picture of them later today, in hopes of answering the question "Do you bobbinate or don't you?" with a few visuals. Through this insessant organizing, I've decided to list the first few projects from the lineup that are calling to me from the vast beyond to stitch!stitch!stitch!

And the first projects will be:

Castle of Spring, Deco Spirits, Gaelic Banner, and Star Maiden.

(and the crowd goes wild!)

The rest will follow once those are finished. I may also reserve the weekends for a freebie or two, or something small from Jeanette Crews "Good Words".

And wouldn't you know, right before I go to get up, a big fat boo boo of a black kitty plops down in my lap and looks up at me with sleepy eyes begging to be kissed on the tip of his ebony nose. Ah, what's a mom to do but comply? I will as soon as I finish this sentence...And then said boo boo decides I took too long and stands up, giving me the one-eyed salute before springing off onto the floor below.

Of course. Felines. Gotta love 'em.

Edit: It's just a little after 12 noon, and I've just recieved an e-mail from Heaven and Earth Designs. Someone has taken it upon themselves to send me the chart Ice Wind 1 and no name was given. It was listed 'from a friend'. I cannot begin to express my sheer joy at getting such a gift. I positively adore this piece, for when I look at it I feel nothing but light and warmth. It's a huge piece: it contains over 90 colors and measures approx. 14" x 21" when stitched over one on 25 count. However, it will be a masterpiece when finished. Methinks I will add it into my 2006 lineup, right behind Deco Spirits. It may take me the rest of the year to work on it, but it will be a wonderful journey.

Thank you, dear friend, whomever you are! You have truly blessed me today.

Stitching Lineup 2006 (and a bit of humble pie)

2005-12-20T11:17:00.000-05:00

Seeing as I'm still on this organizing kick, I thought I would organize my WIPs lineup for 2006. I dug out an old notebook that holds some older projects, and decided I wanted to finish some of what I started.

So, here's what is to be my 2006 lineup:

1) Fantasy Wedding Blessing and Castle of Spring by Dragon Dreams (although this may be finished before the New Year)

2) Celtic Cross (very nearly finished) and Gaelic Banner by Dracolair

3) Scent of Old Roses (modified) and Deco Spirits by Mirabilia (had started it long ago but spilled lotion on it so had to tank it)

4) Mermaid by Teresa Wentzler (started looooooooong ago, decided not to finish, then decided to finish after all)

5) Weeping Willow Keep by Chatelaine (almost finished with one page)

6) Star Maiden, Fantavisions, a section of Night Sky Spins, and Flaming June from Heaven and Earth Designs. Understand all of this is subject to change, for I will resume my winter themed HAEDs for the 2006 Fall/Winter season. I'm also hoping to get Ian Daniel's Luna for Christmas, on which could be an immediate start.

Freebies include:
1) Dragon Dreams "Coffee Is Magic" (changed to "Coffee Is Miraculous")
2) Mirabilia's Bejeweled Bugs series

I was going to provide links to all the pieces, but I decided to be lazy and just provide links to the designers. Sorry, I just feel like a slug today.

Now: don't think for a minute I have any delusions of actually getting all of these finished. I can tell you right now, the TW and HAEDs will roll over into 2007 and probably 2008, but it's nice to have a goal. I can reasonably see the Celtic Cross and Deco Spirits getting finished, as well as the freebies. Castle of Spring will probably be finished before Jan 1st, or at least that is my goal. I would love to finish my Gaelic Banner, but it's a very long piece and I'm afraid of green burnout. It's such a gorgeous piece, however, and there is a story that goes along with this design that makes it very special to me (but I won't tell you until I'm finished with the project, so you'll just have to wait. Nenar nenar!).

On a personal note, I want to say that I'm healing. I know I've spoken about my bouts of depression pretty freely, but I've downplayed a lot of it. I've struggled with some things over the past few months that has left me knocked for a loop and not knowing what to do. I've even considered leaving my church: not leaving my faith, but just not going for a while because things were so painful, things I had created in my mind. I know now, however, that it was the one thing the devil wanted me to do; he knows that if he can seperate us from our spiritual base that he can torment us and feed us lies. Well, I've listened to enough of his bull-lark for long enough, and it's time I step up to the plate and start listening to God for a while.

Thank you to everyone who has understood, and I apologize for those I owe e-mails to. I've been forgetful, and I find that if I don't respond to someone as soon as I read it I will: 1) forget about the mail entirely, or 2)think I've responded when I haven't. This is my HUGE New Year's resolution, for forgetting e-mails is no longer "cute" or "eccentric" anymore. It's rude and unbecoming, and I am completely humbled. So...if you've written me in the past couple of months, expect an e-mail soon!:)

Thanks for your comments and prayers. I love you all so dearly.

Miz Productivity

2005-12-19T16:38:00.000-05:00

Today has been one of those kinds of days where I actually want to tidy and clean and do all those sorts of homey things.

Here is what I have acomplished so far:

1) Organized Jessi's room

2) Organized and cleaned David's room (which was *really* bad, how does he manage?)

3) Cleaned the kitchen

4) Loaded/run dishwasher

5) Unload dishwasher

6) One load of laundry (with two more to go)

7) Tidy living room

8) Pay the bills

Here is what I still need to do:
1) Make up my bed (didn't have the heart to because Gypsy was curled up so cute and comfy and I didn't want to disturb her. Nah, my cats don't run my life...)

2) Vaccum

3) Finish laundry

The icing on the cake was when I finished my bills I discovered we had more money left over than I thought. Woohoo! Gotta love that.:)

My computer is on the fritz again, but we think this time it's only the video card. Blegh. I am going to try to upload some new pics to my photo blog, if I can get them uploaded to the computer successfully. I really want to upload a pic of my Cheshire Cat scarf, which gave me a moment of panic last night; I had dropped a stitch and could not fix it, so I ended up ripping out nearly ten rows and somehow managed to loop the scarf back on my needle and keep chugging. I've even been taking it to church with me to work on after prayer and before the service starts.:)

On the cross stitching front, I've tabled a couple of BAPs and I've started some small designs that I actually have a snowball's chance in You-Know-Where of finishing before my great-grandchildren are born. I'm working on Dragon Dreams "Castle of Spring", and I have some other designs of Jen's that I've been wanting to work on. I love dinosaurs but not nuts about dragons, so I'll be de-winging some of the draggies to better suit my sensibilities.:)

Well, that's about it for today. I need to go fold another load of laundry and run the vaccum, and then perhaps I'll treat myself to a honkin' big mug of coffee and stitch time.

Tag I'm It

2005-12-15T12:04:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by Dana to share my list of ten things that range from the strange to the utterly boring.

Here goes:

1) I can't curl my tongue, a talent I sorely wish I had.

2) I am very Goldilocks-ish about my bananas; if they are slightly green, they are too hard. If they are slightly brown, they are too soft. When they are golden yellow, they are just right!

3) When grocery shopping, I can't take the item in front that everyone has pawed over, I have to take the product behind the one in front. It's fresher. I'm particularly obsessive this way over magazines.

4) My second toe on my right foot has a slightly deformed toenail.

5) I have no tolerance for things in general when I'm sick (sorta like today).

6) I have a perfect ring of green around my pupils, which makes my eyes look green on many occassions (although they are really blue).

7) My staple pizza is extra cheese and banana peppers, with the occasional pepperoni.

8) I like my name. However, if I could change my name to anything in the world I would change it to Arwen.

9) I thought the Phantom in the film's version of Phantom of the Opera looked better in his disfigured state than Raoul looked in his natural one.

10) I think the moon is one of God's most exquisite creations.

There you have it, the UN can now resume it's meetings.

Tags go to Val, Belinda, and Rosemary. Enjoy.

More to add:

What Muppet Are You? Miss Piggy!
(it figures)

You are Miss Piggy.
You are talented and the center of attention. At
least you'd like to think you are. You're
really just a pig.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Moi", "Moi" and
"Moi!"
LAST BOOK READ:
"Women Who Run With Frogs And The Frogs Who
Better Wise Up Quick"

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"To Have and Have More"

DRESS SIZE:
If it's expensive, it fits.

BEST FEATURES:
Eyes, eyebrows, eyelashes, nose, cheeks, hair,
ears, neck, shoulders, arms, elbows, hands,
fingers, legs, knees, ankles, feet, toes and so
on and so forth.

SPECIAL ABILITIES:
Singing, Dancing, Directing, Producing, Writing,
Starring, and Being Famous.

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Swiped from Rosemary and Angie, you muppet-y influences you...

Fighting Off the Ick

2005-12-14T10:45:00.000-05:00

Well. It's been an interesting couple of days, that's for sure.

Sunday was wonderful, which was kind of surprising considering it started off with me being a total freak. I despise being late, and although the alarm went off at 7:30 AM I chose to cop a snooze until about 8:00. Of course, then it was a frantic rush to get myself cleaned up and the two kids up, fed, and dressed so we could be out the door and hit the road by 8:45. Da Hub helped, but I still had to snark and blast and get my panties in a wad, because that's just what I do when I'm stressed. You'd think I'd learn to chill by now; every Sunday I have to be there at 9 AM for praise team practice, and nearly every Sunday we make it before anyone else, including the song leaders. Robert very firmly informed me he was not going to have me going ballistic every Sunday morning to rush us all, especially considering it was my own fault for not getting up on time. Begrudingly, I have to admit he's right. Me spazing about being late does nothing but raise the tension level in the house, and it does not get us any closer to the church; I suppose it might be nice to actually walk out the door in a state of calm once in a while.

Church was great, and Brynna and I got to do our duet of "What Child Is This". She played the harp while I sang, and it was a sheer joy working with her. She may only be sixteen, but she's very proficient on the harp. She's going to be very, very good one day and I see her giving Loreena McKennit a run for her money. She's wanting to learn LK's "Lady of shallot" and I told her once she learned it I would sing it while she played. Methinks we make a good team.:) Sunday night was nice too, for it was the children's Christmas program. They are all so cute! It was especially cute to see the little 1-5 year olds sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.:)

Monday was, well, Monday. After 37 years I have finally come to the conclusion that Monday's and I just do not get on. Things were tooling along fairly swimmingly, lulling me into a false sense of security that the day was actually going to turn out Nice, when all of a sudden it threw me a curve ball that left me standing slack-mouth wondering what else could go wrong. And to make things worse, it involved my dimpling and golden haired daughter, whose angelic appearance often shrouds the firecracker that lives within.

WARNING: what follows is TMI, especially for the queasy-minded. Read at your own risk.

I had put her down for her nap, and while I heard her quietly talking to her babies I figured it was only a matter of time before she fell asleep. Not so, Kemosabe. About an hour later I heard her come into the hall and say, "Mama, I got yuck on my hands". 'Yuck' is her word for 'poop', or for something else for the creatively minded. Not only was it on her hands, it was caked on her hands; her fingers, fingernails, the whole schmoely. I immediately knew what had happened, the very thing we have been desperately trying to break her from doing, the one thing she *knows* she's not supposed to do, that disgusting, despicable thing that just leaves me wanting to gag in revoltion: yes, she had been fingerpainting in her feces once again.

I immediately shuffled her into the bathroom and made her stand perfectly still and NOT TOUCH ANYTHING with those nasty hands. Once I got her tub bath drawn, I put her in it and went to survey the damage.

Dear.God.In.Heaven.

It was the worst I'd ever seen her do. It was all over her dresser. It was all over the carpet. It was flung on the opposite wall. It was on the closet. No kidding, no joke. I stood there like a statue, numb with disbelief. I couldn't believe my eyes, and that's when it hit me that I'm the Mom and it was my responsibility to clean it up. If I was a cussing woman, I would have been raining down fire from heaven and causing salty sailors to blush like virginal brides.

I wanted to cry. As a matter of fact, I think I did cry. I'm not sure, it's all still a blur.

At the same time as the massive scrub-down, my four cats decided to get hairs up their fuzzy butts and try to kill each other. I don't know what the problem was, but twice I had to dive in and separate roiling, hissing, scratching balls of fur as they would whiz by. I finally got them separated by shutting Gypsy up in my bathroom and Julius in my bedroom, which seemed to calm Irwin and Mulder down a bit, and then it was back to the Muck Room. Jeeze, mon!

I cleaned it all up. I don't really know how, but I did. I used Windex foaming cleaner, Fabuloso cleaner, Mr. Clean Magic pads, close to a roll of paper towels, two large terrycloth towels, and one extra large can of Apple Cinnamon air freshener. It took me forty-five minutes from start to finish to get all that muck up. My daughter looked like a extra-shriveled raisin when I got her out of the tub, because I had her soak and play in there while I cleaned up her handiwork.

Have we told her not to do this? You bet. Does she know not to do this? Absolutely. Did I spank her little bottom? Yesiiiireebob! Not to mention she was grounded to her room until supper time. I don't know what it's going to take to get through to her that this is just not acceptable, but I'm going to tow the line and stay consistent. I do NOT want to have to go through that again.

Tuesday was brighter, although I felt kind of gross when I woke up (and after Monday, I wasn't completely surprised). I felt sniffly and my throat was a tad sore, so I took it easy due to the fact that I didn't want to miss the church Christmas banquet. I was singing again, this time "Who Would Imagine A King" with a soundtrack. Not to mention I didn't want to miss the good food and fellowship. It was awesome to be with people that understand that Christmas is truly about Jesus and the rest is just gravy. As expected, it was all very nice and elegant and a good time was had by all, until I got home...that's when I started feeling gross again.

So here we are, this morning, and I'm still fighting off the ick. This time, however, it's my stomach as well as my sniffles. I think I overdid it with the coffee last night at the party, for lately I've been drinking decaf. I was in Major Coffee Overload last night and I think it's taking it's toll on my tummy. Ugh. And it's cold in my house, which does not bode well when I'm feeling sick. I know my gas bill is going to be a fortune, but I'm going to crank up the heat so at least I can feel snuggly.

I'm off to pick up David from school in about fifteen minutes, and the temperature is dropping outside pretty rapidly. It's much colder now than it was this morning when I made my Hobby Lobby run. I think we are supposed to get ice, and if we do you can count on Atlanta shutting down faster than you can say, "Look! It's snowing!", which of course we rarely say because this is, after all, ATLANTA, and we just don't get favored with snow. Whatever.

In a crafty note, I've tanked my rainbow scarf for the time being. I've made too many mistakes, sailing beyond the It Gives Character category and parking into the She Has No Clue What She's Doing one. Fine. I'm not, however, giving up! Nosireebob!
I've promptly decided on a new project and new colorway, with colors that will cheer me every time I stitch it.
Here are the new colors:
and

Meet the inspiration:

Yes, I *love* the Cheshire Cat, so I've decided to make my very own Cheshire Cat scarf. It will be a very biiiiig scarf, for I'm going to attempt to stitch it in the round and the only circular needles I could find are 29" instead of 12"-16". That's okay; any scarf this colorful named after such a character should be larger than life.:)

BTW, I've been tagged by a Soulful one to share some Useless Information, but considering this blog post is already longer than one of Santa's lists (and I ain't sayin' which one!) I figured it could wait until tomorrow.

Until then, Feliz Navidad!

Two More Days

2005-12-09T08:59:00.000-05:00

Two more days until I start Phase II of the South Beach Diet. I weighed this morning, and I'm standing strong at 10 pounds gone. Woot!

Both of my children are in school this morning. Ah, to relax at the computer with nary but a cup of coffee. Bliss. This weekend will be nothing but a wonderful mass of blog reading, knitting, stitching, and sketching (I've got a couple of designs for Jo that I need to work on).

Speaking of knitting, I'm starting to freak out a little on my scarf. I am chugging away on it and it's looking great, but it's starting to 'curl' in on itself, even though it has knit stitches on the side to anchor it. I'm hoping the curl will go away once I block it, but considering I have a ways to go before it's finished I just need some reassurance. Maybe the yarn I'm using is too soft to support a stockinette stitch, but I hope that is not the case; I've done a lot of work so far. I actually started my turquoise band, so I'm almost finished with the first rainbow set. Hm.

BTW, Kirsten asked me how in the world how I'm able to do all the above mentioned things with the kiddos around, and my answer is this: the annual "Parents Night Out" day hosted by their school, a 12-6pm extravaganza specially designed to cater to parents and children alike. I will indulge in six lovely hours of someone else caring for the kitlets, knowing that while I'm relaxing at home from the holiday stress they are running around like banshees, having the time of their lives with their friends. Ah, yes! I am sated.

Oh.My.God.

Meet the Prom Dress a la 2006

I saw this on Dana's blog and had to share. If this doesn't speak volumes about our society, nothing does...

Officially a Knit-Wit!

2005-12-07T09:32:00.000-05:00

Yes, I have started my very own knitting notebook! And the crowds go wild!

I've decided to knit up a catalouge of sampler stitches to keep in this notebook, all with the same yarn consistency and size. For the first two swatches I've used plain worsted weight, which is basically a four-ply yarn (this is for those who have no clue about this sort of thing, but considering I may be the last person on the planet to be learning these things I'm probably wasting your time. But so what, if your reading this blog that means you've have time to spare anyway, so what's one more minute? But I digress.) I've used Red Heart's Cornmean and TLC's Robin's Egg Blue, which actually stitches up a tad grayer than it looks on the skein.

Behold my samples of the Reverse Stockinette stitch and the Garter Stripe stitch:

I'm chuffed about them, I am! I know it's not a scarf or a sweater, but I love knitting these little swatches; it gives me the practice I need, they are super quick, and I can actually have something to refer to when the need occurs.

I've also started a rainbow sweater for myself using Caron's Simply Soft Brites (yes, I like day-glo! It's my latent-hippie, I suppose). I decided to do the neon instead of traditional rainbow colors, and it's just dreamy to the touch.

Here is my progress so far:

The colors I've knit so far are Watermelon and Mango, and the other colors (in order) will be Lemondade, Limelight, Blue Mint, Berry Blue and Grape. The pattern is simple, just a combo of knit and purls. I made one little booboo and knit where I should have purled, but it's only two stitches and I was not going to rip out the whole thing for two stitches. On a more complex design, I would, but not on my first scarf. It gives it character.:)

Here is a closeup of the joined yarns:

Not bad for a wet-behind-the-ears-newbie, huh? Huzzah! I'm hoping to get the Lemonade stitched on today, as well and the Limelight.

I am enjoying this project so much and it's so relaxing that I can't wait to get the rest of the colors on. It will be awesome to actually wear something I've made with my own two hands. The only problem is that there are so many other projects I want to work on that I'm afraid I may become a serial starter.

Hmm...anyone else knows what that feels like?;)

MONDAY-blech

2005-12-05T10:20:00.000-05:00

As if we need to say anymore about that.

I woke up this morning to rain. I was warm and comfortable, and the prospect of dragging the kiddos out of their beds and into the cool of the day did not jive well with me. Then I remembered how David's K5 class did not get to complete their Christmas sweatshirt projects on Friday, and knew it wouldn't be fair for him to miss that just because his mother is too lazy to drag her big butt out of bed, so I did just that; dragged my big butt out of bed. Although, according to the scale, it's a butt that is ten pounds less than it was a week ago, so that was a little bit of sunshine on this dreary day.

Yesterday was nice. Church was great, except I've worn out my voice a little from singing so hard. Sometimes the music starts pumping, the Spirit starts moving, and the people start praising...and then I end up with a slightly sore throat the next morning. Oh well, no big deal; I figure if people can scream their heads off like maniacs at football games or rock concerts, then the very least I can do is open praise the God of the universe like He deserves. What's a little sore throat in the company of the King?

I've been knitting away on my scarf, until I discovered Lion Brand's Wool-Ease. This stuff is soft and *wonderful* to work with! I think it's become one of my favorite yarns. I have the Blue Heather and White Multi (this one has an opalescent thread running through it) and I am going to make a scarf with them using the basic garter stitch. I wish I was a fast knitter, but if I'm consistent I should be done in time for when it *really* (ha ha) gets cold here (today it's kind-of-cool-so-so, while yesterday it felt like we were being visited by the Bahamas in spring...with rain).

I've been dealing with something lately, something that has been giving me a very difficult time. Last spring Robert and I asked our best friends if they would consider becoming the guardians of our children if Robert and I died. We've been thinking about making our wills, and we wanted to be sure the children would be provided for. The kids are very close to our friends (and vice-versa), and we all have the same values so we thought it would be the perfect fit. They said of course they would think about it and let us know. We knew it was a very big decision for someone to make, so of course we gave them all the time they wanted. The months went by and we did not hear anything from them about it, so I thought maybe they forgot.
Fast forward to November: I finally asked my best have to say no. She said that she just didn't think they were ready for that kind of commitment and work (David is 6 and Jessi is 3). If I may be vunerable for a moment, I admit that I was stunned. I honestly thought they would say yes. I tried to be cool about it, and I said, "Well, we just don't want them to become property of the state", to which she replied, "Oh, no, we'd take them before it came to that". Well, that was the whole point of putting them as their guardians in our wills. Once we are dead, they won't have a leg to stand on unless specified in our will.

Many years ago my sister-in-law asked me if Robert and I would take my niece and raise her if anything happened to her and my brother Bob. I think Brynna was about eight at the time (she's now sixteen). We did not have children at the time, nor were we planning on having children, and to be honest I wouldn't have known what to do with a kid, but Robert and I talked about it and we decided that we would do it. Not only would it give Bob and Rhonda peace of mind about what would happen to Brynna, but our niece would be with us. I took that request of Rhonda's very seriously, and it stands to this day. If anything happened to Rhonda and Bob, I fully assume to become Brynna's guardian.

I think all of this is why I was so shocked that J told me no. I suppose I should be more giving in this situation than I am, but to be honest I am feeling horribly rejected. I'm feeling like my children have been rejected. And I wish they had come to us and told us, instead of answering me almost as in a afterthought. Things have not been the same for me since, and I wish there was some way I could discuss it with her. Couple that the fact that she has rekindled a relashionship with an old friend (the two had been very close several years ago, but had had a nasty fall out) and the two have become thick as thieves. I'm genuinely glad they have ended their animosity towards one another, but I'm afraid that now I have been replaced. Don't get me wrong; I have not been treated any differently necessarily, but that 'exclusive closeness' is just not there anymore. I've tried to push these feelings aside, and I'm still here for her if she needs me, but I don't "share" best friendships very well. I never have. I like to have close friends, but I'm also the type that likes the exclusiveness of one special friend, one that I can trust with anything. I thought I had that, but now I'm not so sure. And, of course, the more I dwell on it the more upset I get. I've been praying about it, and praying for them (it's hard to be angry with someone when you are praying for them) and some days are better than others, but I still have those upsetting moments.

sigh. I keep telling my children not to be in such a hurry to grow up, for things are not much easier once you are grown; somehow the fact that we can eat dessert first if we so desire does not comfort me in times like this.

On a happier note: I'm getting together with Brynna tonight to rehearse "What Child Is This" for next Sunday morning service. She's playing the harp and I'm singing. She plays beautifully, and it will be an honor to perform with her.:)

Photoblog is now ACTIVE!

2005-12-02T14:35:00.000-05:00

I uploaded my first picture to Black Cat today. Woot!:)

I'm going to use my photoblog as a pictorial "day in the life", so to speak. Each day I will upload a new picture, to the best of my ability. It will be interesting to track how my children grow and the antics of my furbabies through the medium of the camera.

I hope you enjoy viewing them as much as I enjoy taking them!:)

On the Road Again

2005-12-01T10:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I started my journey towards Rivendell again a la Eowyn Challenge. I use Leslie Sansone's In Home Walking aerobics program, where you basically walk a mile or two per session. It will take me a hundred years to get there doing it this way, but at least I'll get fit along the way.

Had another weigh-in this morning: one more pound zapped, which makes a total of 8 pounds since Sunday. I am going to keep track of my loss and excersice tally at the bottom of each post, to help me see at a glance my progress (and also help keep me motivated when the "dreaded plateau" decides to strike).

So, in review:
Weight loss tracker
Start date: 11/27/05
Weight lost today: 1 pound
Miles walked: 1Total weight loss: 8 pounds

Sweeeeeet.

BTW, I made this blinkie for any Eowyn Challenge participants to use. I'm going to make a section of links in my sidebar for Shieldmaidens for those Rivendell walkers so we can keep tabs on each other!:)

Isn't she cute?:) I can't take credit for the doll (I forget where I got it, I collect so many of them!) but I made the base. It's unanimated at the moment, but I kind of like it that way. I may animate it in the future, we'll see.

A very cute and unrelated story: I put some Heaven and Earth Designs on my Christmas list, and gave Michele's number to my Mom. She didn't have a link to the web site, so she called and asked to speak to Michele to place her order. Michele wasn't there, so Bob answered instead. My Mom asked him, "Do you know Stacey Tippin?". She said he sounded very lively and excited and said, "Why yes, she's one of our artists!". Mom introduced herself as my mother and they chatted, etc. I had forgotten to tell her Bob was Michele's husband, and thes she told me she thought it was so nice that even the "Christmas staff" knew who I was! I said, "Mom, he's no staff, he's the propriator!" She had no idea, and just assumed the office staff would be the ones answering the phones! We both had a good chuckle, and she was so impressed with how nice he was. Once again, HAED's customer service totally prevails. My mom was so impressed by his friendliness and enthusiasm. I even told her about their wonderful e-mail options, and that in a couple of days Michele would be releasing some new ones, and that I may have a couple of more items to add my Ho Ho list :: grin ::.

On the knittier side of things, I've finished three stripes of my striped scarf, but due to not having my camera software installed (still) I can't post a picture. It's turning out so nice. Not that it's blemish-free; far from it. I've made some boo-boos here and there, but so far nothing catastropic. I don't get "weaving" yet, so I've been tying knots and cutting the extra strings from the color changes, but they mask up pretty good. I'm having such a good time with this project that I want to make scarves for all of us. The current burgundy and gold one will be for David, purple and pink for Jessi, black and red for Robert, and then maybe a rainbow one for me. They are a blast, and are very easy for a beginner.

Knitting...woohoo!

I'm planning on picking up on my Got Fairy project that I started earlier this summer. It was my first HAED ever, and I've been kind of nostalgic for it. The colors in the floss box are simply stunning, and considering pink in every shade is my favorite color, I'm totally drawn to this piece. I have over half of page one done, which consists of the upper half of her left wing. Not to mention, I would love to finish one page of at least one of my HAEDs.

I'm heading out now to pick up my son from school. We have to get him a white sweatshirt for his class tomorrow; they are decorating them for Christmas. Hmm, perhaps I'll stop by Michaels and scope out the yarn, one can never have too much yarn...

Toodles!

...and More Less of Me...

2005-11-30T10:31:00.000-05:00

Yep, I weighed again this morning, just to see two more pounds gone. That makes a total of 7 pounds since Sunday.

How on earth is that possible??? If I had been excersicing like crazy, I could understand, but I haven't. I bought a new Leslie Sansone in-home walking tape today at Wal-Mart, and I plan on starting it this afternoon, but I hope it doesn't jinx this rapid weight loss!:)

Back in August I had set a goal for 25 pounds gone by Christmas. Due to my horrible eating and lack of activity since then, I didn't think that would be possible. Now, however, I think I may be able to reach a 20 pound goal if I'm very careful. Hey, at this point I'll take 15 and be thrilled.

Whether I make the Christmas goal or not, my goal of 50 pounds gone by next August is my biggie. I want to lose 80 pounds total, but 50 is a very important mark for me. Once I get there, I'll tell you why.:)

Last night I came up with a little questionaire, which somehow became a little twist on the ABC one that was going around some time last year. I've dubbed it my ABCs and XYZs and I thought I would share it here.:)

Astronomy or Astrology? Astronomy.
Butterflies or Dragonflies? Both.
Coffee or Tea? COFFEE!
Dogs or Cats? Definitely cats.
Energetic or Lazy? Depends on my mood, but most of the time I'm lazy.
Fall or Summer? Fall.
Gold or Silver? Silver (although I "look" more like a gold)
Hot weather or Cold? I prefer somewhere in between.
Ice-cream or Cake? I'm a cake girl, all the way.
Juice or Soft Drink? Soft drink, defintely.
Knitting or cross-stitching? BOTH!
Legolas or Haldir? Haldir!:)
Moon or Sun? Moon.
Night or Day? Night.
Ocean or Mountains? Ocean!!
Pepsi or Coke? Coke (Diet).
Quick-paced life or Slow? I prefer the slow life, to be sure.
Red or Pink? Pink!
Sweet tooth or Sour? Sweet!
Teal or Turquoise? Turquoise.
Underwear or Thong? Please...underwear, thank you!
V-necks or Round? Round.
White chocolate or Milk Chocolate? Yes!!
X-Men or Superman? X-Men are way cooler...
Young or Old? Middle-aged in body but young at heart.
Zagnut or Butterfinger? Zagnut, you just can't beat the toasted coconut!

How about you?:)

I've even thought about making a virtual scrapbook page of these things, but I'm not really good at that sort of thing. I may have to play around in PSP to see what I come up with.:D

On the plate today: laundry, excersice, stitching, knitting, and church! Sounds like a full plan to me.:)

Less of Me

2005-11-29T08:43:00.000-05:00

I'm stunned. Absolutely stunned.

I've been fasting carbs over the past two days, and there is exactly five pounds less of me today than there was on Sunday. I have not drank an excessive amount of water, nor have I excercised. I've only been trying to rid my body of all the sugars I've cummulated over the past few months, and hopefully lose some weight in the deal.

5 pounds in two days...not too shabby!

I'm following the food plan for Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet to help me get focused again on weight loss, and it hasn't been as difficult as I thought. I've actually enjoyed meals like sirloin meatballs in light Ragu sauce with fat-free mozeralla cheese and a salad, which I admit was a little weird without the pasta but excellent all the same. Today for dinner I've planned stir-fried chicken with sauteed zucchini, one of my favorite Body-for-Life meals, only it will be without a carb.

The hard, cold truth is that I've gained 17 pounds back over the past year, but considering I'm focused again I don't forsee a problem losing it. I have a goal to lose 35 pounds by May, and 50 by next August. I don't think that is unreasonable, especially once I add my excercise regime back into the plan. Woohoo!

On the knitting front: I'm hooked. Or perhaps I should say, I'm 'needled'. Either way, I told Robert I almost love knitting more than cross stitching. He gasped and told me that was sacriledge, which is why I said almost. It's too much in my blood to give up completely, but I don't think it will mind taking a temporary back seat to my new knitting passion.

Last night was very productive. The colors I bought were Red Heart's Claret and Cornmeal. I did not find a varigated to go with them, but I don't think it will matter. I've decided to change the pattern a little bit and make the Cornmeal stripe longer than the Claret stripe, which I think will work nicely. I didn't find the size 6 needles like I wanted, so I'm using my bamboo 8's instead. I've decided wood is the way to go, and I plan to have a set of bamboo in every size. I saw some beautiful rosewood ones, but they are pretty expensive and I want to become a little more accomplished before I get them. I will consider them a reward for finishing a project or two. Nothing like stash for motivation, hm?:)

I'm also going through my stitching stash. I have so many unfinished projects it's not even funny. What to do? Should I hang on to them in hopes of actually finishing them one day, or should I give them away to people who might actually finish them one day? Ah, the dilemmas in the life of a stitcher. Everyone's life should be this easy.

Kitty Love

2005-11-28T07:52:00.000-05:00

Ugh. I am so not a morning person. And, apparently, neither is my son, which makes for some interesting scenarios when trying to get him ready for school.

My daughter, on the other hand, is Miss Sally Sunshine by 7 AM. That may not be early for some of you, but for me it might as well be 3 AM for all concerned. Oh, well...at least one of us is not grumbly before coffee.

It's incredibly dark and rainy, a moment I would relish if I didn't have to get out in it this morning. And, to make things even more interesting, Gypsy has gone into heat. Oh, goody. At least that answers the question on whether she was pregnant or not. It's sending my male cats into a tizzy. Yes, they are all fixed, but just because they don't have the equipment doesn't mean they don't get what's going on. It's also my children's first lesson in sex education, because of course Gypsy has to have a full-blown episode right in the living room. And, of course, both the children are fascinated. Jessi laughed when she first saw it and said, "Look! They are playing horsie!"

Sigh. I am so not ready for this.

Oh, well. I must be off to get little man ready for school. I can already tell it's going to be an intersting day at L'Amore Chez Stacey. I am going to take him to school, come home, and drown myself in a ha-yuge cup of java, loaded with fat-free creamer and packets of Splenda. I'm counting the minutes...

Ahh, there is nothing better than a hot cup of coffee after being in the rain. It makes everything just seem brighter!

In five minutes I'm jetting off once again to make a Hobby Lobby run. I'm trying to hunt down a set of bamboo knitting needles size 6 and some yarn. I have a scarf pattern that consists of the stitches I've already learned, and I thought it would be nice to put that education into practice. One of my favorite color combo is scarlet and deep gold, so I think I will use these to make my stripes. I would like to find a varigated with similar colors to seperate the two colors, but if I don't find what I like I'll just go with the scarlet and gold.

Hopefully Robert will find the digicam software so I can get some pics uploaded to Black Cat. The sooner the better, because our camera's cup runneth over with more pictures than I can count.

Barefoot and...

2005-11-27T15:58:00.000-05:00

...knitting!

It's one of my favorite kinds of days: overcast with the promise of rain. The temperature has started to drop, which is appropriate for late November (and after 20 years of living in Georgia, I've learned to expect the unexpected in regards to the weather, even if the weather should be exactly what one would expect. But I digress).

It's no secret I'm a die-hard barefoot kind of chick, and as I type this my feet are indeed bare, albiet rather cold. I need to find some socks. I've been getting away with wearing really fancy sandals to church (which, even I admit, look kind of weird with sweaters) but the weather has grown even a tad too cool for me to try and get away with bare feet anymore. It's one thing when I'm inside and toasty, but quite another when I'm skipping across town. However, the main problem is that aside from my sneakers (which are not appropriate for the platform, which is where I sing with the Praise Team) I do not have any closed shoes. The closest thing I have is my black heeled leathers, but even they are slipper style. That's what I wore this morning with black hose, and what I will wear again tonight. The truth is that I could go to church barefoot and no one would say anything (it is holy ground, after all) but Robert won't hear of it. Besides, even I know a little about good fashion sense, and it would seem rather tacky to be schlepping along in my nice church clothes with bare feet poking out all over the place. Or, I could just start a new fashion trend; you never know.

Yesterday I did what I set out to do: bulldoze my room! I tossed a ton of movies and gathered two huge boxes of books that I intend to give out as Christmas presents. Everyone in my family are huge readers, and whether the book is old or new matters not; if it's the printed word, we're there.

I've also been zipping along with my knitting. I've been knitting away, just keeping in the habit of practice. I have a very simple scarf pattern I want to make, and it involves two colors which will be great at practicing changing colors. The lovely Fudgey sent me some links to making socks, which I don't know in a million years if I'll ever be able to do but I'm sure going to try. These barefeet will give up nekkid status for knitted footsies in a heart beat, be sure of that!

One of the thing I love about knitting is that it makes me feel comfortable. I feel oddly feminine when I knit, as well as productive. I hate my hands to be idle, and sometimes cross stitching just doesn't 'get it', especially when I'm tired and can't read the symbols of the pattern. With knitting, I'm pretty much good to go. I fear I have bitten by the bug hard, and all I have to say is that I hope it remains. So, don't be surprised if my knitting blogs crop up in my blog list.

Ah, I just looked at the time: gotta go! It's church night, and Praise Team practice starts at 5 PM (meet La Soprano).

Nite. Stay warm!

Mah mood: girly

FOOOOD

2005-11-26T02:59:00.000-05:00

Yesterday: I went. I saw. I ate. And ate. And ate some more. More. MORE.

Today: Put up tree. Put in Christmas CDs. Went to Outback. And ate. And ate. And ate some MORE.

Got home: Ate more. And more. AND MORE.

:: burp ::

Am blob. Blob. Blobby-blob BLOB.

Oh, and I gave thanks, many many thanks. God is good. God is very, very GOOD.

Thought for the day:

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

2005-11-24T09:17:00.000-05:00

Whoohoo! Turkey Day is here!:)

I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm alive, healthy, and surrounded by people who love me. Truly, it is the simple things that matter the most.

On that note, I've decided to simplify my life all around. I've made an early resolution to declutter my home in the next few weeks before Christmas. I want to be very thorough and reduce things that I am simply not using, no matter how badly I want to hold on to it. I'm tired of being a pack-rat; if it's not beautiful and useful, I don't want it around me anymore. Some things I will keep for sentimental reasons, but these things will be far and few in between.

I do, however, have some collections that I will indeed keep and plan to expand on in the near future:

1) My stuffed unicorn collection (I collect unicorn plushies of all sizes, shapes, and colors. Right now I only have four, but I saw a couple at Target that are going on my Christmas list!).

2) My Faeriessence collection, possibly the most adorable faery figurines around.

3) My cat figurine collection.

4) My dolphin collection.

There! Those are the things I collect with great vigor. I used to collect wolves, and I have the most beautiful wolf statues but they are still in storage. Even my stash collection and DVD collection are going to be narrowed down considerably. Now *those* are going to be hard to do, but I'm so sick of living in a house that is busting at the seams that I'm willing to take extra measure to clear my space once again.

On the knitting front, yesterday I spent a good part of the night playing with my new Clover Bamboo straight needles size 8.

I far prefer to knit with wood than metal, as they don't seem to get 'cold' like the aluminum needles do. I also love how light they are to hold! It's very pleasant. I also got some very cool wool by Essentials TLCSurf N Turf:

Granted, the name is very campy, but it's one of my favorite color combos. I find them very soothing. It's as if the ocean lover and earth mother in my soul have combined into one lovely skein of yarn that sings, "Just for Stacey!". Sigh. Okay, so I'm a geek, so sue me. I also bought another TLC solid called Robin's Egg, which matches the Surf perfectly. It's light enough for me to see the stitches, but no so blah that I get bored of just practicing. Last night I taught myself the one-handed cast on method, as well as reviving myself on the knit stitch and purling. I even learned how to bind off, yippeee! Go me! Of course, I have the best teacher in the world, so I'm sure to succeed.

But do you know what I really want to learn to knit? Socks. Lots of colorful, vibrant, plushie, soft socks. When I was little my mother used to crochet us footies all the time, and to this day they were the most comfortable things around. If I have to cover my feet in the winter, I will choose those footies anytime! Of course, methinks it would be best to master the basic knitting skills first before moving on to something that involves double pointed needles (shudder), so for now I'll stick with my swatches and pot holders, thank you.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone! See you tomorrow!

I'm Home

2005-11-23T21:21:00.000-05:00

I'm back, and gosh it feels good.

I honestly didn't think I would ever return to this space, and I'm glad I ventured out onto other blogging quests. I thought this chapter was closed, finished, gone; how was I to know it was only the beginning?

I feel like I'm slipping into an old sweatshirt, the kind that is worn and soft and follows the contours of your body. Like an old friend who is always there for you, I am recapturing my reign as Fully Caffeinated. It had become me, and I never truly felt like myself without it.

As promised, Black Cat of the Family is now my photo blog, something I have been wanting to do for a while but never took the time. I will be posting pictures every month of things that interest me, mainly my family, my furbabies, and my home. I hope they are of interest to you as well, and help give you a visual into the world that is mine.

Welcome home, Freaky Dahlings. I have missed you.:)

Mood:yippeeee!!!

A Heartfelf Thank You

2005-05-22T17:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know if it's because I'm still upset about having to miss the Georgia GTG yesterday, or if it's because I'm catching a nasty cold, or if it's just from the general roller coaster I've been on lately, but I'm feeling terribly emotional today. It may also be because I found a folder in my e-mail titled "BOLO", from which I placed the flood of e-mails I got last year when my son went missing.

I was overwhelmed with awe for the sheer love I felt from the stitching and non-stitching community alike. I cannot express to everyone how much I truly love them. How short sighted of me to forget the emmense support I recieved during that time! You all were so wonderful, and with each and every letter that I read my heart nearly broke for the incredible love I felt towards my family. It was a tremendously stressful time for me, but I realize it was not just me that felt that stress, but also all of you who shared that time with me. I love you all more than I can possibly say.

To each and every one of you...Thank You. I Truly Love You.